Whether we are at work, out shopping, or running errands, interactions with other people are usually an inevitable part of our day. For the most part, we are reacting to other people based on how we think they are treating us or we are choosing how to interact with them based on whether or not we like, dislike, and or respect them.
If we dislike someone, we may automatically expect they will either say or do something we disagree with or something that confirms all the reasons we dislike them. If we don’t know the person, (the assistant at an office, the waitress, the business owner) then our reactions are often based on how we feel they are treating us. If we feel like they have an attitude problem, we may be bothered and behave differently toward them than we would have behaved if we felt they had treated us better.
The alternaview:
Instead of allowing our interactions with others to be based on how we perceive them or reactionary, the alternaview is that we should plan at the beginning of every day to be OPEN when it comes to our interactions and relationships with other people. OPEN, in this context is the alternaview meaning of OPEN and requires we have an open perspective with everything we come into contact with and that we are flexible in all aspects of life.
This same alternaview on OPEN should be extended to our relationships and interactions with other people. By taking this approach, we will be able to gain something from everyone we come into contact with such as information, assistance, laughter or just genuine happiness…the list goes on.
When we genuinely want to integrate this alternaview into our life:
1. Start out the day with a determination to be OPEN. Decide when you wake up that you will make a concerted effort to be open with everyone you come into contact with. This will require you to consistently focus on how you are interacting with people, what benefits you are giving them, how flexible you are being. Are you passing along helpful information, being considerate, giving them a good laugh, entertaining them with a story, being polite? The goal is to have ideal interactions with everyone you encounter throughout your day…your family, your children, the person who made your Starbucks drink, the receptionist at your office, and the person you sat next to on the subway. Being open doesn’t necessarily require that we go around having conversations with everyone, it just means we are considerate and flexible. It can be as simple as a smile, saying please, an extra thank you. It only requires that we consciously focus on the experience of others.
2. Be OPEN with your expectations. Don’t immediately assume people will not impress you or say anything worthwhile (even if that has defined many of your prior experiences with them); give everyone the benefit of the doubt. If you had a negative experience with someone, decide you will wipe the slate clean and allow them to create a new impression. Expect the best of people regardless of any preconceived notions or experiences you may have had.
3. Be OPEN with your communication. Listen and participate; be engaged; ask questions, show that you are paying attention and that you care. Choose good words…instead of saying, “I disagree” say “I never thought of it that way”; instead of saying “you are wrong”, say “explain that a little more to me”. Instead of just flat out disagreeing ask questions and encourage an honest and open conversation where you can arrive at the same conclusion together.
4. Be OPEN to change your perspective. Go into conversations expecting the person to say something that will be compelling and possibly impact your perspective. Be open to allowing them to reshape your opinion and strengthen or improve your perspective (even if it ultimately doesn’t happen).
5. Be OPEN to see and focus on their good attributes or how they are helping you.
Try to see everyone you are interacting with in a good light. Imagine them at their best, like when they are with their children or their family or being generous. Attempt to see the good side of the person, even if they aren’t displaying their good side at the current moment.
If we genuinely focus on extending the concept of OPEN to all of our relationships and interactions with others, we will be absolutely amazed at what we receive in return. When done correctly, it is the ultimate guarantee of having a great day and rewarding experiences with other people. It is the good old Golden Rule at work yet once again…the more you give, the more you receive. All we have to do is turn our attention to others and consciously focus on being OPEN…this is the alternaview.
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