How to deal with the ups and downs of life: Expect nothing.

Many people go through their days with expectations of just about everything.  We expect people to act a certain way, things to happen exactly as we planned and people to treat us a certain way.  When anything goes off course or doesn’t play out the way we had envisioned, it is understandable that people may feel upset, disappointed or frustrated.

The alternaview:
The alternaview is that we are better suited to deal with challenges and issues that are bound to arise everyday if we have no expectations.  If you expect nothing, you will never be disappointed.

This is by no means a suggestion to have a pessimistic outlook on life and to just assume life is filled with disappointment, but rather a recommendation to simply be open to the waves of life and allow things to play out their own way without being upset.

Have you ever planned out your day and when something unexpected happens (you are running late, you oversleep, your flight is delayed, etc.) you become upset or flustered?  These are all unmet expectations and really don’t do anything good for us.

OR

The typical communication between two people that goes south quickly and eventually implodes.  Each person is expecting that the other say a certain thing (or perhaps just stay quiet and agree they were wrong) and when that doesn’t happen everything falls apart, each person gets worked up, and the discussion explodes.

You see the same expectations in marriages and relationships where one person expects the other to act a certain way or behave in a certain manner and when that doesn’t happen it’s time for a talk (like the one described above).

All of these situations are filled with expectations.

As an aside, this doesn’t mean you should let people treat you disrespectfully or inappropriately because you don’t have expectations.  People should be kind and treat you with respect.  However, if that does not happen, you just accept their behavior for what it is and then make a decision about what your response will be.  You don’t expect them to behave in a certain manner, but you do get to decide what you feel is appropriate and if it is something you want to tolerate. You just don’t allow people to disappoint you because you have expectations.

We just need to learn to let things and expectations go and do the best we can to go with the flow. Being free of these types of negative emotions is liberating and allows us to free up the mental space we need to focus on the things we really should be focusing on.  It allows us to live and enjoy life without mental encumbrances.

How to use this alternaview:

1. Continually remind yourself that everything happens for a reason. If you truly believe all things happen the way they were supposed to, then it is so much easier to not get upset when they don’t happen the way you wanted them to.  Perhaps your alarm clock didn’t go off because you were supposed to be late to the meeting so the people you were meeting with had a chance to work out their issues before you arrived.  Maybe you were not meant to complete that project today because you are going to learn something else tonight that will change everything.  The reality is we are never always going to understand why certain things happen or don’t happen, so we have to be open and trust that everything is playing out the exact way it was supposed to.

2. Don’t try to decide or plan exactly how things will happen. Realize that it is not your job to plan every minute of every day and how everything will happen.  Once you accept that this is not your role, you don’t set yourself up to even be able to get disappointed.  It’s not that you don’t set goals and work toward certain things happening, but rather that you just accept the outcomes and the twists and curves.  There is wisdom in uncertainty.

3. Have Reality Checks. It is so easy for the mind to run wild and for us to convince ourselves that things are bigger issues than they really are. Sometimes you just have to make yourself slow down and put things into perspective.  Evaluate situations honestly and fairly, don’t allow yourself to be concerned about false deadlines or non-issues that are just not a big deal.  Don’t trip over pebbles.

4.  Don’t expect perfection. Expectations may creep up time to time unexpectedly.  Understanding and trying to eliminate expectations is a tool that you can use to manage through those times when you notice some negative emotions arising around a situation.  Don’t expect to go through life perfectly every moment of everyday without having any expectations.  You are human and sometimes expectations may creep up.  However, once you see one coming or the negative emotions that surface when people don’t meet your expectations, it is time to auto-correct. Stop yourself.  If you are asking yourself…Why did someone do that? or Why don’t they do what I told them to do?  Why is this taking so long? You have created expectations.  You have to guard against these and when they do creep up, remind yourself they are there and that you need to let them go.  Yes, easier said than done, but if you don’t ever try to release expectations, I promise you they will not go away.

We need to expect nothing and be open to the twists and curves.  This is what it really means to believe that everything really does happen for a reason.  When we are able to gain this perspective, and use it to manage through those times when we are feeling upset or disappointed because people or things have let us down, we have discovered how to use a very important tool. It’s the best way to live a relaxed life and to be emotionally immune to life’s ups and downs.  It is not only better and healthier for us, it is liberating…this is the alternaview.

What are your thoughts on this alternaview?  Have you figured out how to release expectations?  Do you agree?

Related alternaviews:

How to react when people push you too far

How to enjoy a better life by choosing the conflict free route

Don’t get invovled in the drama and increase your happiness