How to Not Get Caught Up In Daily Issues and Drama

There always seems to be something going on around us. The reality is that no matter which direction we look, if we look long and hard enough, we will see that life is filled with a lot of activity and challenges. There may be people around us that can’t seem to get along, issues at work that need to be resolved, or friction caused by challenging people.  The list goes on and on…

Despite this reality, many people aim to live a life free of challenges and drama.  They believe that if they can remove themselves from certain environments, or work to resolve all the issues they see, eventually they can reach a point where there is nothing but smooth sailing.  Many people aim for a time where there aren’t any challenges, drama or other issues going on around them.

But, that is not what we really should be aiming for.  There is an alternaview we should notice.

How to Stay Focused: The alternaview

There is always going to be something going on around us and so instead of aiming for a life free of any challenges, drama or issues, we should instead aim to strengthen our ability to be calm, relaxed and rational regardless of what is going on. Yes, we should always be working to resolve challenges and issues and to have as much of a positive impact as possible on everything around us.  However, instead of hoping that all issues and challenges just disappear, we should actually be focusing on our ability to maintain the right frame of mind and appropriately manage through any situations that may arise.

It doesn’t matter if you are a stay at home parent, a business owner, an employee, a student, etc. there is always going to be something…an issue with your child’s school, a project you can’t get people to collaborate on, a dispute between your co-workers, drama at a neighborhood association meeting.  It is inevitable that issues are going to arise from time to time and continually. Even if the vast majority of these issues don’t involve you personally, it is easy to get sucked in.  Before you know it you are frazzled, frustrated, or experiencing some other type of negative emotion because of what is going on.

However, we need to be able to untangle ourselves from the situations and challenges that surround us because otherwise we run the risk of being negatively impacted by issues that are never ending and sometimes out of our control. We need to develop the necessary skills that allow us to sail smoothly even if we encounter some turbulence because that is the best way to move through life.

How to use this alternaview:

1. Have “Relaxed & Refreshed Time Outs”. There should be several times throughout the day where you are just taking 2-5 minutes to relax and unwind.  These are the periods of time where you do whatever is necessary to untangle yourself from anything going on around you. Perhaps you take time to yourself, you do a deep breathing exercise, stretch, walk around…whatever the case may be, you have Relaxed & Refreshed Time Out periods where you clear your mind.

2. Never Increase to Level 10. In terms of being wound up and disturbed by the things going on around you, there are different levels you can reach. Level 1 is on the calm end of the spectrum and Level 10 is when you are totally stressed and wound up.  If you don’t stop things from building up, the situation can get away from you and before you know it you are at a Level 10.  You should catch yourself as soon as you notice yourself getting worked up.  Take Relaxed and Refreshed Time Outs and make certain you don’t reach Level 10.

Level 1                                          Level 5                                          Level 10

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Calm, relaxed rational              Moderately calm & relaxed                   Totally Wound Up

3.  If you can’t do anything right now, then let it go. If there is nothing you can do at the present moment about the situation, then stop thinking or focusing on the issue. You can take a couple of moments to decide what you will do when the time comes, but you should spend as little time as possible doing this and you should then move on.  If there is literally nothing you can do right now, then you are only wasting your energy and potentially causing yourself to get worked up over something you can’t resolve right now.

4.   Solve issues after you are calm and relaxed. You have to be in the right frame of mind in order to think of the best actions and resolutions.  Make certain you are calm and relaxed before you attempt to resolve an issue and you will always have a better result.

Conclusion

Let go of the idea that there is going to come a time where there are absolutely no issues or challenges going on around you.  That is just not the way that life happens.  However, what we can control is how we behave and manage through the issues that may arise. Once we have mastered this ability, we have figured out one of the most important and helpful skills we will ever need. We will know how to focus on what really matters and not be negatively affected by everything that is going on.  We will no longer be vulnerable to the issues around us and we will be able to control the way we experience and manage everything. There is nothing better than that.  And, that is how we really set ourselves up to have the right frame of mind continually…that is the alternaview.

Have you mastered this alternaview? Do you agree with it?  Please let us know your thoughts in the comment section below.