What You Must Do if You Want an Amazing Relationship

Everyone enjoys being in a relationship that just works. Where your connection to someone grows and everything continues to fall into place just as it should. I don’t think anyone ever gets into a relationship with someone hoping that it will not work out.

However, the reality is that all relationships don’t work out the way we intended for them to in the beginning. After the initial honeymoon period is over, people begin to notice flaws or issues their significant other has. They begin to ask themselves question after question…Why is he not romantic enough? Why doesn’t he communicate well? Why is she so pushy? Why does she insist on dictating how everything will happen?

Many people have an idea in their mind of how the perfect relationship should be and they set expectations for how the person they are with needs to act. And, when their significant other doesn’t live up to their expectations or doesn’t change their ways, things can begin going downhill.

And, while it is true that there are usually things everyone can work on and do better, the best thing we can do in a relationship is actually turn our focus from everything our significant other is doing wrong and focus on the alternaview.

Personal Relationships: The alternaview

What we need to realize  is that one of the main purposes of our relationship is to learn and grow from our experiences with our significant other. And, that means our significant other should be looked at as a teacher, not as a project or someone we need to fix. Instead of putting so much of our attention on trying to change someone to be what we think they should be, we should change our perspective and work on understanding what we are meant to learn from the relationship and from our significant other.

Certain people come into our lives for a reason and we need to always be looking to grow from every experience. If you start viewing the person you are with as a teacher, it will make you focus on the right things and the things that you can learn about yourself. In many situations, it will allow you to look at your significant other with a heightened level of respect and you will not be focusing on everything that is wrong with them, but instead everything that is right that you want to mirror in yourself.

“In relationships, it is not an accident that sustaining partnerships are combinations of opposites. We often love someone who represents an undeveloped part of ourselves.”

Wayne Dyer

We should always be asking ourselves what we want to learn from the relationship and what specifically we are meant to be learning from our significant other. Perhaps the person we are with is more gentle, kind, loving or maybe the person we are with is more laid back, relaxed and easy going…whatever the case may be, choose to look for your partner’s strengths and virtues and then work to strengthen those traits in yourself.

How to use this alternaview:

1. Deliberately choose to change your perspective. Choose to look at your partner differently and really see them as someone you can learn from.

2. Be open to learning. Admit to yourself that you may not always be right and that there are certain things your partner does better or certain things they may understand that you don’t.

3. Overlook nonsense. Don’t let the little things drive you crazy… search out the big things that are right and that are your significant other’s strengths.

4. Openly admire your partner. Tell the person you are with as often as you can the good things about them that you have noticed. Always compliment them and show them that you are noticing the great things about them and the great things they do.

5. Be happy and grateful for all the things that are going well in your relationship. Acknowledge what is working and focus on those things and how great they are from time to time.

6. Work on eliminating the negative thoughts. You have to put a focused effort on really seeing the person you are with from the best perspective and that means working to eliminate any annoyed or negative thoughts that may appear in your mind (i.e., he is lazy, he is stubborn, she is bossy, she is high strung). When these thoughts arise, notice them and replace them with good thoughts about the person you are with.

7. Be Patient. This process is not one that will happen overnight. You need to devote continued effort and energy toward it day after day.  In time though you will see the positive impact it has on you and your relationship.

Conclusion

Now, this doesn’t mean you should stay in a relationship that is unhealthy or harmful. You never want to put yourself in that position. However, if you are in a good relationship that you want to flourish, instead of focusing on all the things that your partner does that drive you crazy, look at your partner from a better perspective and seek out those good qualities they have so you can work on strengthening them in yourself. The amazing thing is that when this is your focus, not only will you grow as a person, your relationship can’t help but improve…that is the alternaview.

Is this an alternaview you have put into practice?  Do you agree?  Please share your thoughts in the comment section below.