I had a realization the other day. I have failed. In fact, I have failed over and over again if I am being honest.
According to dictionary.com, the definition of failure is: 1. an act or instance of failing or proving unsuccessful. I have by all means done that.
I have set goals, envisioned them coming to fruition and worked really hard only to see what I was working to accomplish fail.
There was the new business opportunity I tried to pursue for my company, the brilliant idea I thought I had to create a new startup company that didn’t exactly work (oops), and the project I could never get enough people interested in to get it off the ground. I could continue to add to this list unfortunately … or perhaps fortunately depending on how you choose to look at it.
So, why was it just the other day that I had the epiphany that I had failed? I mean certainly I was aware these things didn’t come to fruition and go as planned. I knew they had not been successful ventures.
Well, the reason it was an epiphany to me was because I have never really classified anything that didn’t go right as a failure.
I looked at these “failures” as challenges that I could learn from, notice that I needed to tweak my plans, and lessons that would help me in the future. I never regretted any of them nor did I classify them as failures. They were what they were and it wasn’t until I was reading something talking about failures that I realized many people would have classified what I experienced as a failure.
And, therein lies one of the potential issues and traps we can fall into that end up creating limiting beliefs and ultimately work against us.
We get to choose how we see and classify the things we do and the experiences we have. We get to decide our perspectives and if we cast a positive or negative light on something.
The most interesting thing is that people can look at the exact same situation and the exact same set of facts and literally have different takeaways and perceptions of what occurred.
As an example, two people can be a part of a company layoff and one person can feel defeated, have all of his confidence shattered and stay unemployed for the next year because of his defeatist attitude. Another person in the exact same position can see his layoff as an opportunity to reset, refocus and end up getting a better job that pays more in less than 2 months. All because he had a better perspective and attitude about what happened and was able to recover, be productive and find another job.
These choices about how to perceive something are ours to make everyday. The issue is that often times we just react to situations without ever thinking and analyzing if our perception is actually accurate and or helpful. We can end up allowing our emotions and feelings to guide the way and determine how we perceive something. So, if we are upset by something or bothered, we form the perception that what happened was negative.
We never try to look at things from a different perspective and discover an alternaview. We never realize that just because we have a negative emotional reaction to something and don’t feel great, does not necessarily mean that what happened is a failure or something negative.
One of the best things we can always do is make certain we look at things for what they actually are and not just how they make us feel. We should always try to see beyond the surface and identify a good rationale or something positive we can takeaway from any situation.
We always have a choice as to how we are going to classify things in our mind. We get to choose if we will look at things in a way that will allow us to learn and move us forward. And, that really is the key. We have to take advantage of our ability to look at “failures” in a light that really shows their true colors. It is a skill we can work on and strengthen and the beauty is that once we are able to always see things for what they truly are, we open ourselves up to experiencing life in a whole new way and accomplishing more than we may have ever thought was possible.
How to use this alternaview:
1. Don’t question why you? but simply why? Try to honestly explore why a certain experience has come your way? Why have you not successfully accomplished what you sought out to do? What is the underlying lesson you should learn? What can you takeaway from this situation? Don’t play the victim role and be upset you are experiencing something that is not desired. Immediately turn your focus to how this situation can make you grow and set you up for success in the future.
2. Realize there really is no such thing as failure. Yes, things can not go as planned, but there really is no such thing as a failure. If something doesn’t work out the way you hoped, there is a reason and whatever actually did happen was for your highest good (believe it or not). If you can really understand and have confidence in this reality, you will be more detached from outcomes and recognize that in one way or another, everything happens the way it needs to.
3. Use “failure” as an opportunity to motivate yourself. If you want something and don’t get it the first time, it doesn’t necessarily mean you should stop trying. Think about what you were going after and make certain it is still something that feels right for you and something you want. If it is, then allow the fact that you fell short to motivate you to go after it again in a new and improved way. Think about how you want to do things differently this next go round, recharge and try again.
… that is the alternaview.
Great tips, Sybil. The meek become masters… being ‘meek’, is being open-minded and amenable to learning something new. Converting our stumbling blocks into stepping stones requires looking at our failures as learning experiences.
Rob: I think that is a great way to put it .. converting our stumbling blocks into stepping stones. That really just nails the point and thank you so much for sharing it. That is such a good quote … I may have to use that one again
I love this post! A Couse in Miracles includes a great line, “I could choose to see this differently.” Just that simple statement can open our minds to other possibilities.
This is such an important shift in the way we perceive our experience. Thank you!
Galen: Thanks for the comment. I love that line from Course in Miracles. It is definitely one of my favorites and is always in my mind. I am glad you mentioned it:) It really is all about shifting our perspectives and looking at things for what they actually are. Thanks again for the comment and dropping by.
Great lessons Sibly. I learn something new every time. I pass thought here..Keep up the good work.
Hey Jonathan: Thanks so much for the comment and the kind words. So happy you enjoyed the article and I also love learning from your site:)
Hi Sibyl,
Changing our perceptions can make all the difference. The difference between seeing ourselves as failures or seeing ourselves as successful. We can redefine success! We can choose our perceptions about everything and choose the engergy we carry. Let your engergy be the reflection of your new perceptions! Thanks Sibyl!
Dandy: I love that… let your energy be the reflection of your new perception. That really is what it is all about. We can control our experiences and how we feel about anything that comes our way. Thanks so much for the comment and stopping by.
Pulling yourself together and staying positive after failing is definitely hard, but it’s the only sane thing you can do. It doesn’t matter if you’re self deluding yourself, it’s the only way you can learn from it, and produce better results in the future. Self pity never works.
Henway: I think that is a great way of putting it … it is the only sane thing you can do:) It is so true. If you start beating yourself up and feeling badly, you don’t get yourself in a better place. It is all about putting things in perspective and realizing that in one way or another, everything happens for your highest good. Thanks so much for the comment and stopping by.
Thank you for sharing your wisdom. Today was a day I really needed this most. I’ve been praying for clarity of what my purpose is and what I can do to make my dreams reality. Your words made sense without me analyzing them. Thank you for the “lead” I’ve needed for so long! Take care and I am looking forward to experiencing more of your work.
Tehya: Thank you so much for the comment and dropping by the alternaview. I am so glad to hear that you found the article helpful. I really do believe everything that happens is for our highest good in one way or another. Although it may not seem like that is the case, if we are open to looking and waiting for the answer, we will always be pointed in the direction of that truth. Thank you again for sharing your thoughts about the post. I really appreciate it and look forward to having you here at the alternaview.
Hi Sibly!
My God!…I just spelled your name the same way as Jonathan did!
We both must want you as a sister!
“If something doesn’t work out the way you hoped, there is a reason and whatever actually did happen was for your highest good (believe it or not). If you can really understand and have confidence in this reality, you will be more detached from outcomes and recognize that in one way or another, everything happens the way it needs to.”
This is so ‘BIG’ regards to failure or something we thought was a must to have, but did not get.
I had so much loss of a former life and it started 12 years ago. Since then I went into a completly different field and now have audio, lighting, projection, carpentry. computer, stage, capibilities + other skills in my workplace. I am growing and will work at perfecting along the way.
I still have the opportunity of same work and life style before my life changed. I do use this to my advantage. With this ‘alternaview’ I now have become a much more stronger and diverse person. At the moment I am having my former and my present life going just swell! Plus with my newer life I have a Union Family.
The word “Brother” and “Sister” (if you will “Sibly”) is used frequently at my work place.
My personal life is slowly going to the up side… or…as Art Garfunkle sang “Look on the Bright Side of Life”
There are little bits of distractions…like these blog sites…sorry but some times we do get mentally challenged and I mean challenged to really see our real self…it can be hard at times but worth the work because we will…
” open ourselves up to experiencing life in a whole new way and accomplishing more than we may have ever thought was possible.”
Thanks once again “Sibly” for a great post!
Thanks Rand for the comment. No worries about the spelling of my name. It is so not a big deal to me that I barely even notice when people spell it differently. Glad to hear that things are falling into place for you.
Great Blog Sibyl! Catchy title. What struck me is the way you emphasized that we have a choice: “We get to choose how we see and classify the things we do and the experiences we have. We get to decide our perspectives…”
That is so true. Yet, the tendancy is to think that “things” happen to us. We assume a certain comfort-centereed approach to life which becomes our “normal.” Then when something happens to us that is an opportunity to refocus or reset, we react – too often with anger because it has upset our perceived normalcy.
With your encouragement “to choose” you remind us be in control of what we can: our attitude. Thank you!
Mark: Thanks for the comment and sharing your thoughts. You make a really good point about thing disturbing our perceived normalcy and then we get thrown off completely. The reality is that what we have defined as normal is the real issue and what is causing the issue, not the experience that we can learn from. That is a great point. Thanks for sharing it.
You got me at the title, Sibyl. Spot on wisdom.
There’s a principle from NLP that says “There is no failure, only feedback.” Failure is just a mindset, a way of thinking, and you suggest different perspectives that are so much more life-affirming.
I particularly like asking why rather than “why me.” The victim role is never going to bring happiness.
Gail: Thanks for dropping by the alternaview. I love that NLP principle that “There is no failure, only feedback”. I wished I had that quote before I wrote this post
Thank you so much for sharing it here and also sharing your wisdom. Always appreciated.
Hi Sibyl,
Life is a matter of perception. How we choose to view things can make or break us. When I was younger, I always took mistakes and failures hard because I viewed them as bad and I felt useless when I failed. But that seems like such a long time ago to me now. Today, I always look at failures and mistakes as a vital part of the process for success. They are lessons I need to learn to improve enough to succeed. This change in perception has made all the difference in my life.
I love the word “why.” If we know why something is not working or why things didn’t go as plan, we can cut to the root of the problem. Once we have identified this, we can take the necessary actions needed to remedy the problem once and for all. When that happens, failure is just another stepping stone to success.
As you mentioned, facts are facts, it is how we choose to perceive these facts that matters most.
Thank you for sharing this alternaview!
Irving the Vizier
Thanks for dropping by again and sharing your thoughts. I totally agree with you that we can cut to the root of the problem simply by identifying why. When we make this our priority, we really can identify the issue and set ourselves up for success the next go round. That is a really good point. Thanks for sharing it.
Sibyl,
Whenever I make an error in judgement that end with a result that I wasn’t expecting I reflect on the political career of Abraham Lincoln. That man missed the mark so many times before he became president of the United States. To me that is the ultimate display of exactly what your post talks about. This was an excellent read. Thanks for sharing.
Hey Frank: I think that really is a good point. We have to be open to “failing” again and again if we really want something. We can’t have the expectation that everything will go as we planned and we should be open to always taking another stab at what we really want. Thanks so much for the comment and stopping by. Much appreciated.
Hi Sibyl .. failure is to succeed – we’d never get anywhere if we didn’t give things a go .. does it matter or not – no we can pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and get on with life .. everyone is failing with something .. so keep on aiming for our goal. Cheers Hilary
Hilary: So true … it is all about trying and being open and willing to see what type of results you get. It takes confidence to put things out there and be willing to fail, but that really is the only way to make extraordinary things happen. Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and stopping by the alternaview.
Hi Sibyl – I came through this morning and forgot to leave a message!
This was very informative and presented some great tips – I only wish I had those tips years ago! Let me quickly share something with you about my personal situation…
In years past, I’ve been failure conscious; more focussed on actually not failing than my focus on being successful. That has all changed. Somehow, in a matter of a few short months my attitude and belief has changed. I’m now success conscious. But even now, I see failure in a different light. Failure is whatever you make it. I’ve made the decision to identify mishaps or defeats not as a stopping point, but as a launch pad because these situations present the most critical learning situations that I can experience.
Take care Sibyl!
JK: Thanks for swinging back by and leaving a comment. Success conscious is really what is all about. I love that term you used. It really is all about seeing the challenges and obstacles that come our way in a new light. I think your approach of making the decision to identify mishaps as a launching pad is really great. That is the way it should be done. Thanks for dropping by again. Much appreciated.
Hi Sibyl,
Very nice
We don’t fail, what we go through our experiences that we should learn from. Whatever we don’t get is for our good. If we just learn to depend on God and view “failing” as an opportunity for success, our life would be a lot better. Thanks for sharing my friend
Hey Dia: Always great to hear from you. Thanks for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. You know I agree with you
we definitely don’t fail. It really is all about living and learning. Thanks for the comment.
Failure is my motivational friend
I’m always amazed by how much we can limit or empower ourselves depending on how we set the frame, or the questions we ask.
One of the surprises for me was to stop asking why questions and start asking more how questions. For example, if you ask “why are you always late”, we can always rationalize or come up with an answer that just perpetuates the problem or justifies it. By switching the question to “how can you show up on time”, it instantly puts you in a resourceful state.
I’m still a fan of “why” questions, especially for root-cause analysis, and I’m a “why” kind of guy, but “How” questions really are empowering.
J.D. Wow…I like that and totally see what you are saying about the power of “How” questions. I think it is all about pinpointing the information that will be the most helpful to us and then making sure we are open minded enough to listen and grow from it. Great point. Thanks for sharing your wisdom here J.D. I appreciate it.
Yes I too used to always feel such a failure when i was younger, but now I realise it was to get me to the place i am now…so “Failure” doesn’t really mean what the dictionary says it means…the dictionary maybe should have the definition “Failure – The road to success”. You really are a gifted writer, Really great work. You touched on negative people and positive people (or people who tend one way or the other) Do you think a negative thinker can jump into the realm of positve thinker ?
Sue: Thank you so much for the kind words and the comment. I really appreciate it. I also really like your new definition for the term failure: the road to success. That really is what it is all about. Great definition. Thanks for sharing it.
When most of us in the world can begin to use another word than ‘failure’ for trying-but-not-succeeding-yet then we can begin to squash the awfulness that it brings. There is no failure just protoype attempts. We are humans in learning and so is everything we do. One question always comes to mind – ‘who is anyone without a mistake?’. Failure is merely a friend inside out!
A cleverly crafted and gently shared post Sibyl. I like the way your work is going – to the top!!