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How to Grow Into The Person You Really Want to Be

Do you focus on how you want to grow as a person? Do you have a philosophy or any beliefs of the type of person you are working to be? Are you looking to change anything about yourself or are there things you want to improve about your mindset or internal belief system?

It is so common for people to have goals and things they are working to accomplish in the world. So many of us set goals and then work hard toward what we want to achieve and accomplish. However, what about our internal development? How much time do we spend looking within and focusing on growing into the type of person that we want to be? Do we have a vision of what that is? Do we have an understanding of how we want to change and grow as we move through life?

It is not uncommon and it is understandable that people will focus the majority of their attention on the external world and the things they are doing and trying to accomplish. These things can easily consume the majority of our attention because they are easy to see and right in front of us everyday. It is easy to see our responsibilities and what we want to accomplish in the world, and not always as obvious as to how we want to and should grow as a person. As a result, it is easy to spend the majority of our time focusing on anything and everything else except for who we are.

However, who we are and our development into the person we want to be is one of the most important things we can focus on. Having a vision of our ideal mindset and who we are working to become allows us to ensure we are learning the lessons we should be and focusing a significant part of our attention in the direction it should be pointed.

What type of mindset do we want to have to set ourselves up to be happy and successful? How do we want feel as we move through our days? How much self confidence do we want to aim to have? How do we want to go about managing challenges and issues that come our way?

These are questions that have to do with our internal mindset that we need to focus on and work on so that we continue to grow into the person we know we are meant to be.

We all know that life is about living and learning and that overtime we are going to naturally learn more about who we are and grow and develop as a person. But, if we put a significant amount of our attention on how we are growing internally and make certain we are doing those things that are necessary to support our growth and development, we can really accelerate the process. We can make certain we are paying attention to the lessons that are coming our way and we can expose ourselves to information that will strengthen things about ourselves we know need to be strengthened and developed.

How to use this alternaview:

1. Do an Internal Gap Analysis: Think about the person you are right now and then envision the person you want to be. Is there a gap between where you are now and where you want to be? This is not an exercise to beat yourself up or make you feel badly about anything about yourself. It should just be an honest exploration of where you are now and where you want to be. You need to have some idea of the the direction you want to grow in so that you can lean in the right direction.

2. What’s the plan? If you have identified any gaps, it is time to think through the best ways you can begin working to fill those gaps. How can you strengthen your self confidence? How can you chip away at limiting beliefs? How can you develop the right type of mindset to tackle and manage through any issues or challenges that come your way? Think through the things you can do everyday to fill in the gaps.

3. Keep it top of mind. There is always going to be so much going on in the world and all around you. You have to prioritize your internal development and make certain to focus a significant part of your attention on how you are developing everyday and not get completely sucked into the external world and the things you are dealing with.

4. Be on the Lookout for Lessons. Once you prioritize working on your internal development useful lessons will come your way but, they will often be disguised and may not be immediately obvious. For example, let’s say you have decided you want to work on becoming more patient and forgiving. It is highly possible that someone will do something that will require you to be patient and forgiving. However, often times we just react to situations and people in ways we always have and if we are not looking for the lessons that come our way, we may miss a lot of opportunities to learn and grow.

There is a different way to live … that is the alternaview.

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  1. 2


    As always, an excellent post.

    Setting and achieving the exterior goals are important but of equal importance is our internal growth and little victories.

    Your post is similiar to the notion of “what do you want family and friends to say during your eulogy” — the person we want them to speak of, is the person we must develop and become.
    I always try to remember when it comes to growth that “what you do EVERYDAY matters more than what you do ONCE in a while”.

    Thanks Siby :-)

    • 3

      Nadia: Thanks for the comment and the kind words. Much appreciated. I really liked that quote … what you do everyday really does matter and if we can just keep that top of mind and always make certain we are growing in the direction we know is right, everything else should fall into place. Thanks again for the comment and stopping by.

  2. 4

    Hi Sibyl – a fine job you did with this article on helping us get to being the person that we want to be. I’ve always been in reach for a new and better me. I reach a level, and the feeling comes again…basically, I always feel this way. It’s not that I’m unhappy, it’s just with age, and education, my perspective broadens, opening me up to new things…things that I want to include within my journey. I hit a lot of road bumps and detours and I try my best to keep on course.
    Thank you for sharing the knowledge Sibyl. You always create A+ plus work.

    • 5

      JK: Thanks for the comment and stopping by. I think that is a really good point you added because the reality is that we will have things we can learn and ways we can grow. Internal development is a process that just expands and gets better and better. I think the key is to always keep it top of mind and make certain you are prioritizing the things you need to do in your life to continue to grow internally. Great information and points. Thanks for sharing them.

  3. 6

    Hi Sibyl,

    Very nice my friend! We really how to work on our internal self. We have to work on our thinking patters, our attiudes, our thoughts, our emotions, how we interpret events and situations etc… This is the work that helps us reach our external goals and helps us to grow as a person. Thanks for sharing Sibyl :)

    • 7

      Dia: Hey. How are you? Thanks for stopping by and so glad that you liked the post. I think what you mentioned is also very important about working on ourselves internally and once we get that foundation right, we set ourselves up to accomplish everything we want externally. That is a very important point. Thanks for sharing it and thanks again for stopping by.

  4. 8

    Hi Sibyl. I think the key here is really #3…make it a top priority. There are just so many distractions around us that it’s easy to lose track of the goal. If we define the change we want to make and keep that first & foremost in our minds, it’s so much easier to make progress. It’s all about staying focused…keeping your eye on the prize.

    • 9

      Hey Nea: I totally agree. It is so easy to get caught up in all the millions of things we are doing and everything going on around us. It is key to keep our internal goals top of mind and literally focus on them everyday so that they always remain a top priority. Thank you so much for dropping by and thank you for the comment. Always appreciated and it is great to hear from you.

  5. 10

    Hi Sibyl,

    I believe that it is important to get our inner life right before we can hope to achieve anything in the external world. Without a clear sense of who we are and who we want to be, it is difficult to make sustained progress in the long run.

    I like the steps you have shared to show us how to grow into the person we want to be. The internal gap analysis is the crucial foundation because without awareness, we cannot make any changes.

    What I would like to add is that we could use role models to help us to grow into the person we want to be. The role models we choose could embody a quality or certain qualities we desire. By keeping them in mind as a guide, it will help to shape us and our actions. And before we know it, we will have grown into a better person.

    Thank you for sharing this alternaview! :)

    Irving the Vizier

    • 11

      Irving: Thanks for the comment and stopping by. Thank you also for sharing that addition. I think that it is amazingly helpful and you are so right that we can really learn so much from looking and studying role models. We can really allow the great things they do that we have noticed and their great characteristics to shape and mold us. That is a great point and something I definitely practice as well. Thanks for sharing it.

  6. 12

    I like the way you provide a concept and then practical steps for application. Very helpful! You are a good teacher!

    For me, there wasn’t much of a gap in #1. I am pretty much the person I want to be.

    What came to mind as I was reading this post was a story about Buddha. A passerby noticed there was something special about Buddha and started asking him if he was a god, a king, an angel. Buddha said no. Finally the person asked, “Well what are you?” And Buddha replied, “I am awake.”

    So when I think about what kind of person I want to be, I think, “I want to be awake.” That leads naturally to the other steps you outline, especially #3 and #4.

    Thank you.

    • 13

      Galen: Thanks for the comment and stopping by. I think it is so great to be in a place where you can say that you are the person you want to be :) That really is what it is all about. I LOVE that story you shared and “I want to be awake” is such a great realization to have. To be able to live consciously and really experience life … there is nothing better. Thanks for the comment and stopping by.

  7. 14

    Sibyl, great material here and it looks like you’re in the company of some great thinkers in your comment section already. But to add my two cents, I love Napoleon Hill’s admonition to do what “true” success stories do: they take inventory of their lives regularly – this does somewhat apply to what external things they are doing – to measure what’s working and what isn’t – but it also helps us focus on what’s happening IN us. Where are our flaws? Are we weeding those out? Are we replacing them with good things?

    Great material here! Thank you for posting!

    • 15

      Bryan: Thanks for the comment and stopping by. I am a big fan of Napoleon Hill and I think what you shared is right on point. I do agree with that need to take inventory from time to time and know if we are moving in the right direction and progressing as we should. The reality is that it is so easy to just get caught up in what we are doing, and we really do have to make a concerted effort to make sure that our focus is on our internal development as well. Thanks again for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. Much appreciated.

  8. 16

    Hello Sibyl!

    I just found your website. You have very interesting posts including this one. It is weird cause I am thinking these days exact the same things about the person we need to be. The world outside doesn’t make it better and we have no time for ourselves to think and grow our inner world. The news, the internet, the people in our communities leave a negative image most of the time. What I am trying to do is focus on the things that will take me to the next level, ignore facts and people that decrease us and find unique ways to communicate with myself.



    • 17

      John: Welcome to the alternaview. I am so glad that you found the site. I really liked that approach you shared and I think it is right on point. Focusing on the things that will take us to the next level and help us grow really will point us in the right direction and get us where we want to be. I think the best thing we can do is make certain we are always focused on the right things and working to be the person we know we should be. Thanks again for the comment and sharing your thoughts. Much appreciated.

  9. 18


    Powerful title. I could write a series of posts just on it alone.

    You hit on this topic from so many different directions that I don’t even know where to begin. I will say this though. So many times people focus on the external factors, the material things in which they posses to gauge their success. Unfortunately real success doesn’t come from the material. Ask the celebrities who have everything but end up addicted to drugs and alcohol. Success starts internally. If you do it any other way you are wasting valuable time. Anything else is infested by termites. they eat from the inside leaving behind a shell. That is why it is important to build from the inside out.

    Doing it any other way leaves you with an empty feeling and you get stuck trying to fill the void with things that don’t fit.

    So Sibyl this post has connected with me on a deeper level that I could continue to write about but my wife is giving me dirty looks because I have been on the computer too long. Wayyy to long. So until next alternaview know this post has moved me.

    • 19

      Frank: Thanks for dropping by and thanks for the kind words on the post. I am so glad that the post connected with you and I thought what you added was helpful information for everyone. Success really does start internally and the sooner we realize that and begin working on our foundation, the quicker we will see external success. Thanks again for the comment and always listen to whatever your wife tells you to do :)

  10. 20

    “I tangled with
    the world to
    let it go
    but couldn’t free

    it: so I made
    to wrestle in my
    stead and went

    off silent to
    the quick flow
    of brooks, the
    slow flow of stone”

    __A. R. Ammons

    Hi Sibyl!

    I was given today the book: ‘The Music of What Happens’ Poems, Poets, Critics by Helen Vender

    Chose to share this poem as it’s topic pertains to the “inner world” vs.”outer world”

    “Once you prioritize working on your internal development useful lessons will come your way but, they will often be disguised and may not be immediately obvious.”

    Yes…the need to have an ‘on going’ development of a keen awareness. With new growth comes a need for different perceptions to uncover the disguise of “Lessons” that will come our way.

    As Charles Bukowski said: “only one thing comes without a disguise and you only see it once, or maybe never… like getting hit by a freight train.”

    …Oh right… just like to mention once again “I do not have a Network TV”

    This helps tremendously in blocking out the “Negative External”

    “Throw away your television make make a break during intermission recreate supervision now!”

    “It’s a repeat”

    • 21

      Thanks Rand for the comment and sharing your thoughts. Sounds like a great book and I thought what you said was right on point … we need to have an ongoing development of keen awareness. Thanks again for the comment.

  11. 22

    For me it’s all about self-enquiry Sibyl. Get under your skin to know the skin you live in. Growth from the inside out. To know who you are is to find your feet in life and walk with intention and purpose. Happiness is when we want is who we are. Love this fabulous feel good post that injected some energy into my day. In peace and love.

    • 23

      John: Thanks so much for the comment and stopping by. I love the way you put that … getting under your skin to know the skin you live in. That is so very true and an exploration that can benefit all of us. Thanks again for the comment and stopping by. It is always great to have you here.

  12. 24

    Great question: Is there a gap between where you are now and where you want to be? Indeed that is part of the Grand Plan. To experience higher and higher expressions of ourselves we must be willing to look at the limits we need to overcome.

    • 25

      Rob: Thanks for the comment. I totally agree. It is all about looking at the limits that need to be overcome so you can now what direction you need to go in. Thanks again for the comment and stopping by. It is always great to hear your thoughts.

  13. 26

    Hey Sibyl, another excellent read you’ve come up with here about the quest we’re all on to become out best selves. Personally, I try to ‘step on the scales’ each and every day so as to see where I am, where I’m going, and how the heck I’m going to get there.

    Wonderfully done


  14. 27

    I love this topic! One of my favorite philosophies is that everything in existence is in a state of flux. We are always changing into something. Why not change into the person you want to be? I think we all have that choice. These are really good tips. Nice work!

  15. 28

    Very thought provoking and meaningful post!

    Number four resonates most with me, since I am all about Little Lessons Under the Big Sky! Being aware and mindful of situations that occur and how we react to them is key. That opens up mindfulness on the other three…..making sure we are taking that Internal time for ourselves….examining our priorities and where we need to “fill those gaps.”

    Thank you for your view! What a great reminder!

    • 29

      Jen: Thanks for the comment and stopping by the alternaview. I really love that phrase … Little Lessons Under the Big Sky. That is a good one and really points us in the direction of the truth and the lessons that are out there for us to discover and learn from. I am so glad that you liked the post and found it meaningful. Thanks again for the comment and stopping by. I really appreciate it.

  16. 30

    At times, I definitely feel I’m not living up to my potential. There are things I can do better, ways I can be a better person, and less cowardly. I’ll keep this exercise in mind.

    • 31

      Henway: Thanks for the comment and sharing your honest story. I think recognizing that there are things you can do better is probably the hardest thing to do. After you are honest with yourself and you commit to making the changes you need to, you can then continually work to make the changes you need to. It is all about being self aware and then committing to making changes. Thanks so much for the comment and stopping by again.