Think back to the last time something came up in your life that was a challenge or an issue. Think about a big challenge, like something that just caught you off guard and caused a major change in your life.
And, also think of a smaller issue, like someone pushing your buttons or saying something to you that was inappropriate.
How did you handle those situations? What was the first thing you did when you recognized the challenge or issue? How did you respond?
Often times, as soon as something goes wrong or a challenge appears in our life, all of our attention is placed primarily on whatever the issue or challenge is.
We may have some sort of emotional reaction and be bothered or upset by what has happened. Our focus may entirely be on how we can get rid of the issue or resolve the challenge that has come our way.
There is by no means anything wrong with working through issues and resolving them. However, we must make certain we are managing through them with the best mindset and perspective.
When we are able to have a clear mind and not react from a place of fear or be consumed with negative emotions, we are able to have the most clarity about what is going on and make the best decisions about our next steps. We are able to calmly and clearly decide our best course of action and be guaranteed to get the best results.
The alternaview
In order to really be able to approach issues and challenges with the best mindset, our attention can’t be exclusively focused on the situation and our emotions about whatever has happened can’t be running wild.
We need to also be focused on the bigger picture and finding our peace of mind.
We have to elevate our mindset and make certain we are looking at things from the right perspective. And, the best way to do that is to immediately turn some of our attention to what we can takeaway from the situation and any lessons that we could possibly learn, even if someone else created the issue and is at fault.
What are the possible reasons that this situation has arisen in our life? What am I supposed to be learning? How can this situation help me grow as a person? What about me could be strengthened?
Obviously, some of our attention is going to be focused on coming up with solutions and dealing with the external situation, but if we can just reserve some of our attention and focus it on the bigger picture, we will be amazed at how much better we will manage through anything that comes our way.
If we can immediately recognize every challenge as an opportunity to learn and grow or strengthen something about ourselves, that understanding will overshadow the negative emotions and reactions we may have about the situation. This allows us to avoid being so caught up in the issue and what is happening that we completely lose perspective and our ability to rationally and effectively deal with whatever is going on.
We can control and improve the way we perceive and react to anything that comes our way. We can develop a habit of always looking at things from the right perspective and remaining calm and collected regardless of whatever is happening. Instead of getting completely caught up in the issue, we find our way to immediately looking for the lesson or the positive thing we can take away from the situation.
It is not that we naively overlook challenges and issues we have to deal with, but rather we set ourselves up to deal with them in the most productive and constructive manner and with the best mindset. We never allow any situation to get the best of us.
How to use this possibility:
1. Catch Yourself. As soon as a situation arises, and you notice yourself getting bothered or worked up, tell yourself you are going to choose to remain calm and allow the waves of negative emotions to just pass through your system. It may indeed be the case that you do have a negative emotional response to something that happens, but you can choose to control how you respond and what you choose to focus on.
2. How Could This Possibly Benefit Me? Think about any of the potential ways this situation could provide some benefits for you. Is there something that you could potentially learn about yourself or about managing other people and their drama? Can this situation strengthen your tolerance, patience or some other trait that will serve you well in the future? Think about any potential benefits, even if you have to search for them.
3. What is Your Highest and Best Response? After you have cleared away any negative emotions and responses to the situation, think about what your highest and best response should be. What is the best way you should respond?
4. Give Yourself Credit. It can be challenging to always react calmly to situations, especially those that upset you. Give yourself a little pat on the back and credit for not allowing your negative emotions to take over and responding to this situation in the best way. There are a lot of people who are unable to respond calmly and constructively and you should feel good that you haven’t fallen into the trap that so many other people fall into.
There is a different way to live … That is the alternaview.
Hi Sibyl, I find myself embedded with challenges often. In fact, this year I’ve faced more in the first 40 days of this year than I did almost all of last year. The difference this year from last is that I’m diligently working towards goals – minus the fear of failure. Well, I can’t say totally minus failure…but I do have a definite focus on success, where as before my focus was more on not failing.
This has brought about numerous challenges that I would have easily avoided in months past simply due to the fact that I wasn’t acting upon goals that I set. Today, I view these challenges as growing pains – for nothing really comes easy if your aim is high enough, right?
The reason I like what you’ve shared is because I haven’t been so successful in handling the “feelings” that come with the challenges in present time. After I figure out a way to work through, I do pat myself on the back…but in the midst of facing the challenge; its stage of surfacing, I feel the unease of stress flow through my body and completely capture my creativity. I know that there’s a better way to handle that, and I think you provided me with a great antidote to try.
Thank you for sharing the knowledge. I love reading your blog because the organization is easy to follow, allowing my simple brain to easily flow through the material.
PEACE
JK: Thanks for the comment and always great to hear from you. When I see a lot of challenges coming my way month after month, I tell myself that I must be on an accelerated learning curriculum
The more you learn the better. That really is the object of the game 
Thank you so much for always bringing real life situations because it really adds to the discussion and how we need to go about really applying the things we are learning in our everyday life. I think what you pointed out about catching yourself when you notice the stress beginning to flow is so important. That really is one of the most important first steps because once you recognize what is going on and you know there is a better way … you can choose to do things differently. You are not oblivious to your reactions and what is happening and that allows you to choose to manage through things in the best way. Thanks so much for the comment and stopping by. It is always great to hear your thoughts.
Maturity comes when you deal with your challenges in a proactive way. I notice that I’m still immature in so many ways when I’m beset with a challenge.
Anne: Thanks for the comment and stopping by. I totally agree with you that there is something to be said about dealing with challenges in a proactive way. It is all about discovering our best method for managing through them, and that is a process and can take some time. I think the important thing is recognizing that we still need to strengthen our ability to manage through challenges and it sounds like you have this recognition
That is a great thing and something many people overlook. Thanks again for the comment. Much appreciated.
Hi Sybil, this post gives a clear and concise way for those dealing with stress to meet it head on in the most mindful manner. In keeping with your advise to give ourselves credit as we have successfully focused on the big picture: I have found that challenges are means for learning and I am of the mindset that certain stressors are there to help expedite learning.
Because of life’s challenges, I have learned about my resiliency and my capacity to retain life’s lessons. It is funny to look back in life and see how I have been presented with two or three situations that have offered the same learning lessons. That goes to show how once in a blue moon, I just “didn’t get it.”
Nevertheless, I truly appreciate my ability recognize the “warning” signs of certain challenges as they present themselves and my ability to at least consider referring to my past experiences to determine the most appropriate course of action.
Thank you for posting!
Ajen: Welcome to the alternaview and thank you so much for the comment. I thought what you said about the same lesson popping up several times was really a good point. I do think that life has a way of making sure we get it and learn the lessons. If we miss one the first time, we can be guaranteed that in one way or another it will come back again. It is interesting to be able to look back and think … oh, that was the lesson I was supposed to learn
Thanks for the great comment and stopping by. Much appreciated.
I like this article a lot Sibyl, it conveys a lot of truth and hope. It’s true, we need to give ourselves a lot more credit than we currently do; often, we’ll ignore our accomplishment and move onto the next challenge, not stopping to appreciate what we’ve done.
Thanks for sharing your alternaview on this topic Sibyl, I think a lot of alternaviews you offer are rich with wisdom
Hey Stuart: Thanks for the comment and stopping by. I am on the same page with you. When we do choose the right thoughts and responses, we do need to give ourselves credit. Appreciate the progress we are making and know we are on the right track … that is what it is all about. Thanks for the comment again. Much appreciated.
Hey Sibyl!
This is fantastic advice that you share here. Unfortunately, I also think it’s a lot easier said than done.
Sometimes our emotions really get the best of us and although we know we should “catch ourselves”, “think positive”, “make the best choice”, etc. in the heat of the moment it can almost seem impossible to do.
I think you can certainly come to a place where your level of awareness is high enough to do exactly as you’ve suggested, but before you get to that level of mastery I think a great alternative is to mentally and physically step away from the challenge for a short period of time.
I’m not suggesting avoidance by any measure, but I do think that allowing yourself to let your emotions settle by talking a walk, working out, praying, watching some funny videos on YouTube – whatever allows you to disconnect for a moment – can be very powerful in being able to apply the other strategies you set forth.
I also think when we let time work in our favor we often come up with more creative and useful solutions to challenges than we do when we try to conjure up the best course of action immediately.
One thing is for sure, as your awareness increases, you get better at this. My “reel” time is minutes compared to years ago when it was hours. As a result I’m a much more effective person all around , so I say BRING ON THE CHALLENGES! (It’s where you grow the most anyway, right?)
Marlee: Thanks for the great comment and stopping by. I totally agree with you that is often easier said than done and it is a great approach to perhaps take a little “time out” if you need to refocus and calm yourself so that you don’t react in a way that you don’t want to. I think the key is to never allow yourself to get too worked up about anything that comes your way and that means doing whatever is necessary to prevent that from happening. Thanks for the comment and the great addition to the post. Much appreciated.
Sibyl, I love your breakdown of sections (“How to use this alternaview”). You’re right on. In fact, I’ve seen a few posts today about dealing with challenges. I think this may be something that hits home with a lot of people. Challenges help us to grow – but as you say, ONLY if we have the right attitude. Our attitude is everything and the WAY we see a situation is often the only power that WE have, but we ALWAYS have the power of whatever perspective we want to adopt. Thank you for sharing!
Bryan: Thanks for the comment and stopping by. I have always found it fascinating how so often many bloggers are on the same wavelength and write about the same topics at the same time. … Pretty interesting
I think what you pointed out is so important because we really do have the power to choose how we want to see things and by doing so in the best way, we put power into our own hands. That is a great point. Thanks for sharing it and stopping by. Much appreciated.
Your article would be waiting on me today…lol This morning I was hit with a challenge and I was actually trying to calm down and not let it get the best of me. Meaning don’t look at the negative side of the situation and what truly is the bigger picture. What am I afraid of concerning the situation? And even though this is a familiar arena, I need to go in and expect a different outcome. Thank you for confirming I was on the right path and giving me a rational way to deal with it. My household thanks you too…lol
Lana: Thanks for the comment and I am so glad that you came across this post on the right day. That has happened to me before and it really is confirmation that what you were thinking and the way you were going to approach the situation is right on point. I am so glad that this post was able to serve as your confirmation and that you are now focused on the bigger picture and seeing the challenge from the best perspective. Thanks for the real world example. It always helps to see people putting things into practice.
Sibyl,
There really is a sense of power that comes from viewing life’s obstacles as challenges to rise to. I have definitely had to incorporate this point of view when trying new things and to many creative outlets. It simply a fact that we will have to learn along the way and won’t get it all right the first time. This means we can either become discouraged or we can look for lessons and value we can take from overcoming or working through challenging times. Thanks for the inspiration!
Joe: Thanks for the comment and I totally agree that there really is a sense of power that comes from viewing things that come our way as challenges and lessons we can rise to. It is all about looking at things from the right perspective and realizing that the thoughts we feed ourselves really do impact how we experience and manage through everything. Thanks so much for the comment again and stopping by. Much appreciated.
Hi Sibyl!
I like number 4 when all seems to be falling apart…yet I have a calm presence.
One can find yourself in the midst of something huge that is chaos and even physically threatening and still thrive under the situation.
Or even just the challenge of driving home I can apprieciate myself and those others that are calm while so many are out of control…when you come to California the trafic might be an adjustment for you.
I like to use my creativeness to work through issues and challenges…like poetry, photography, watch and clock work, art and antique restoration.
I tried to enter a poem here, but perhaps it was to long…no worries.
Also a good physical routine helps…yesterday I kayaked 2 miles/ran 5 miles/kayaked two miles
I am interested to hear about an update on your challange to move to California?
Thanks Sibyl!
Rand: Sounds like you have the perfect approach. It really is all about staying calm regardless of what is happening around you. Thanks for the heads up on the CA traffic and I will definitely be sending updates on CA when I arrive. Thanks for the comment and stopping by.
Sibyl,
Let me make sure I understand you. What you are saying is that screaming at the top of my lungs and curling up in the fetal position is not an appropriate way to deal with challenges?
Well I am going to have to disagree with you there. When I let out a good cry, not only do I lower my self esteem but I also lose all self respect as a grown man. Now that’s how you make a difference.
On a serious note this tips are spot on. For some odd reason when I think of problems or issues I immediately think of relationships. I guess it is the easiest way for me to relate. I consider my ability to stay calm in chaos is one of my best qualities and it has helped me maintain confidence during some of the raging storms of life.
The worse thing you can do is panic. You can’t solve chaos with chaos. That’s why I love the tips you provided. They are practical and easy to follow. Now if I could just find a way to internalize this because in the heat of the moment I just might resort to crying and balling up in the fetal position.
Thanks Sibyl. This is an alternaview I desperately needed to read.
Frank: Hey. How are you? Thanks for always making me laugh? I would have to say that crying and curling up into a fetal position would be the exact opposite of managing through things in the best way
It is great that staying calm in chaos is one of your greatest qualities. It is one of the greatest skills and qualities we can have and work on strengthening. There is really nothing we can’t manage through if we are always able to remain calm and collected regardless of whatever is going on around us. Thanks again for the comment and stopping by. Much appreciated.
Well done with this Sibyl. Like Bryan said, I really like how you break things down into sections and I have a funny feeling that you’re a pretty ‘organized’ gal when you’re not typing up your next blog post
But seriously, maybe the greatest skill we can learn in this life is the ability to control our emotions, and outlook, when a problem (or opportunity depending on how it’s seen) arises. And the tips you’ve laid out here are a perfect starting point.
Great job Sibyl
Marcus
Marcus: Thanks for the comment and stopping by. I think I am a pretty organized person
I think that is just how my mind works for some reason. I agree with you that the greatest skill we can learn is the ability to control our emotions. If we can always know that regardless of what comes our way, we will be able to manage through it in the best way, we can also know for certain that we are really living in the best way. It is a skill that we can strengthen and develop, but as you mentioned, it is probably one of the most important ones to have. Thanks again for the comment.
hello sibyl
how are you?
i found this article very instructional and inspiring.
here’s my take on it:
catch yourself:i believe it’s instinctive and it prevents us from getting sucked in further than we expected. i also believe it allows us make informed decisions as you’ve mentioned the choice to be calm and allow negative emotions pass by.
benefits:once we catch ourselves and show some determination to face the challenges in our path, i believe we build our self confidence, broaden our knowledge/horizons,gain experience,recognize our strengths/weaknesses…….
response: i think our best response can be attained once we’ve caught ourselves because we recognise the best ways to face our challenges
and finally giving ourselves credit involves celebrating ourselves because we stood firm or survived the difficult periods.
take care and enjoy the rest of the day
Hey Ayo: How have you been? Hope all is going well. I really liked your comment and summary. I think it perfectly pointed to the main steps that we need to make certain we hit anytime a challenge comes our way. If we can just make certain we are taking each of these steps, there really is not anything we can’t accomplish. Thanks for the comment and dropping by.
Hi Sibyl! You are right on target. Your point that “every challenge as an opportunity to learn and grow” is one of my favorite approaches in life. Your first step is one that I use constantly. Self-awareness is a powerful process and allows me to deal with any challenge that comes up. For everything that happens in my life, I like to examine how it is making me feel. Does it bring up fear or happiness? If the situation is bringing up some fear, than I definitely have some beliefs that I need to examine so I can return to my state of happiness. It becomes a faster and faster process.
Thanks for this beautiful reminder. Loving blessings!
Andrea: Thanks for stopping by and so glad that you liked the reminder
I think what you pointed out is so important because if we have fear about anything, that means we have to correct our thinking and realize that we have somehow bought into a fallacy. Once we replace those feelings of fear with the right type of thinking, we will really be able to deal well with anything that comes our way. Thanks again for the comment. Always appreciated.
Beautiful insights.
> tell yourself you are going to choose to remain calm
The one-liner reminder I have for this is, “Stand strong when tested.”
I’m always amazed how just setting the frame, sets the stage for the thoughts and actions that follow.
Yes indeed, Sibyl. Creating habits that support us is the way to profound growth. We had to teach ourselves to get angry and respond with knee-jerk reactions to life’s challenges. We can unlearn bad habits and replace them with empowering questions. When beset with a challenge habitually asking questions such as “what understanding or insight will help me turn my attitude around” can get us back on track.
I’m wholeheartedly with you on this Sibyl – problems are solutions inside out. Often an obstacle hides how we can improve and better ourself and go to the next level. The greater the hassle the bigger the lesson to learn and key to the door. The challenge is to see a challenge that way. Another barnstormer of a post from you Sibyl.
John: Thanks for the comment and I so appreciated the wisdom you shared. I absolutely love that phrase … problems are solutions inside out. It is so true. Thanks so much for sharing that insight and stopping by the alternaview. Much appreciated.
Hi Sibyl,
So many reasons to love this article!
Everything is presented to me for a reason. I do not need to know the reason, just be open to the experience. When my vibration is high, and my energy most pure, challenges are few..when challenges are presented, I know to breathe deeply, access my heart space and process it as a gift. I consider something a challenge when I feel it is unexpected or I am unprepared..these are mind feelings and labels. When I release the mind and labels, the situation is perfect for my life; usually a bridge to bring me from there to *here*. If I allow my feelings to get in the way of the process, the challenge may then be harder to deal with, more complex..as you remind us, I choose my response..
Thank *you*!
Joy: Thanks for the comment and stopping by. I really liked what you said about being cognizant of not allowing your feelings to get in the way of the process. That is such a powerful statement and understanding. The reality is that there will most likely be challenges that arise every now and then, but we can really set ourselves up and have the right mindset to deal with them in the best way. Thanks again for the comment.
Great article. This actually made me think of Jill Boyt Taylor’s book, “My Stroke of Insight”. She also said that we can control our perceptions and after the initial emotion wears off we can choose whether or not to continue to be angry.