What if things don’t work out the way I want them to? What if she took that e-mail I sent the wrong way and is now upset? What if I can’t pay my rent? What if I end up failing? What if I get fired? What if they don’t like me or think I am smart enough?
Does any of this sound familiar? Have you ever worried about something?
Well, unless you are completely different from every other person on this planet, the answer is that you have been known to worry.
You are by no means strange nor are you an anomaly if you have worries. Worrying is a part of human nature and is usually based on real concerns we have.
It really is possible things may not go as we want, and let’s be honest, that can be pretty disturbing so we end up worrying.
In fact, many people are masters at convincing themselves that they actually need to worry.
Check out these common thoughts …
- I need to be concerned and worried so I can be prepared when things go wrong
- I need to worry about everything that could go wrong and really think through things
- This is something really serious and I need to worry about how it is going to work out
Oh, and this one is classic …
- I need to worry about things going wrong because if I don’t, I am assuming they will go well and am being overconfident. I am jinxing the situation and that is when things end up going wrong.
Whether we are a worrywart or just an “every now and then” worrier, doesn’t really matter. Any worrying is bad for us and we have to choose to take control of our thoughts and put a stop to it.
When we are worrying, we are really caught up in a negative cycle that is working against us. Too much of our energy and attention is focused on worrying and that really weighs us down and disturbs our peace of mind.
We then end up acting from a place of fear and that never creates the best results.
The crazy thing is that oftentimes we realize we are worrying, but don’t choose to do anything about it. We ignore the fact that it really is an issue and just let our worries continue to consume our thoughts and linger in our minds.
But, today is the day to kill the bad habit of worrying.
Why on earth would we continue to allow ourselves to worry? We know it does nothing good for us, so why don’t we put a stop to it?
If someone told you to take a certain pill that would cause damage to your peace of mind and make you continually focus on the wrong things, you would never voluntarily just swallow the pill.
And, you shouldn’t just accept worrying as something you do. It is something that is 100% within your control, but you do have to make the decision to get rid of the worrying habit.
How?
By pouring all of your passion, energy and attention into whatever it is you are doing.
You should be all about doing everything with amazing quality and direct all of your attention to whatever is right in front of you.
I don’t care how big or small the thing is you are doing …
If you are typing an e-mail, then make it the best e-mail you have ever typed. Put everything you have into that e-mail. Make sure that e-mail is dripping with your positive energy and that you directed all your attention to it when you were putting it together.
If you are playing in the sandbox with your daughter, focus on having an amazing time and building a legendary sandcastle.
If you are talking on the phone with your friend, really pay attention to what she is saying and be completely engaged in the conversation.
You get the idea, right? You give whatever you are doing all of your attention and everything you have.
And, this is going to be the exact same method you use as you move through the day from task to task.
Okay, so I know you probably have a couple of questions.
how will this help you stop worrying?
When you give the things you are doing all of your attention and energy, it is literally impossible to focus on anything else. You just have no mental space left to worry because all of your thoughts and attention are focused on whatever is in front of you (this is a good thing, actually it is a great thing).
And, what about that thing you would normally worry about? What happens to it? You still need a solution to the problem.
Okay, that’s a fair point. But, honestly, when it comes to an issue you are worried about, you only have 3 options:
- Determine what, if anything, you can do at this precise moment to solve whatever you are worried about. If there is something you can do, then do it and pour all of your passion and energy into doing it.
- If there is nothing you can do right now, but there is something you can do later, then let it go until later and do whatever is in front of you with the utmost quality. When later comes, then it is time to pour all of your attention and energy into whatever it is you decided you can do.
- If there is nothing at all you can do about it, then you have to let it go. You are just wasting your time and positive energy worrying about something you can’t do anything about.
Take a look at this great chart I came across. It sums up the point very well.
Don’t taint your positive energy and peace of mind by worrying about what could happen at some future point in time.
Focus on today.
Focus on this moment right now.
Give all your attention to what is currently in front of you.
Pour all your positive energy into what you are doing.
And, by all means, don’t allow any of your focus or attention to be wasted on worrying. It just does nothing good for you.
Live Today Better than Yesterday.
So, what’s on your mind? What can I help with? What did you think about this post?
I’m here to help. Questions? Comments? Just want to say hello? Leave a comment below, hit me on Twitter, send me an e-mail. It is always great to hear from you.
Hi Sybil,
This is a really insightful post. Mark Twain said “I have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.” I try to live by that (more or less successfully). As you so rightly point out, we do have a choice, we just have to stop in our tracks and realize that we’re focusing on a negative possibility (one of many) that hasn’t even happened yet.
Hugs,
Melody
Melody: I love that quote by Twain. Thanks for sharing it here and as you mentioned, why not take advantage of the choice we have to focus our thoughts and minds on things that are positive and don’t work against us. Thanks for the comment and dropping by.
Having once been deeply depressed and suicidal I now don’t ever seek to waste time fretting and worrying over matters that 99% of the time never happen Sibyl. Life is too short and anxities too long. Just remember – we all have a clock ticking over our heads called ‘our life’ and one day it will be up. So, are you gonna stay indoors fussing and fighting or get outside and have fun in the sun with a big smile on your face and all over your health? Tick tock, tick tock…..
I love that John…the clock is ticking. It is all about taking advantage of the possibilities that are being offered to you every moment to live in the most amazing ways. As you said, why let yourself be bogged down with worrying? Thanks so much for the comment.
Hi Sibyl,
Great post on reducing worry. Living in the present, praying, and meditation are among the best methods to overcome worry my friend. I love how you explained, if we can’t do anything about it, then let it go for the time being. Nice chart by the way.
Thanks for sharing Sibyl
Thanks Dia. Isn’t that chart great? I can’t take credit for it because it is not mine, but when I came across it I knew it was a really good one. I agree with you that it is all about living in the present moment and not allowing your mind to be distracted by needless things. Thanks for the comment.
Your post is so deep, profound and important I want to shout about it from the rooftops! Now admittedly, as a worrier extraordinaire, I can justify things pointing to past bad health, lack of money, problems with my grown-up kids etc. etc. Yet not one iota of this worrisome nature has benefited me. Ever. So I shall take your words to heart – and one way I intend to do that is to stop taking pride in my constant multi-tasking, and instead focus, as you said, on the moment, on the activity, on the joy of living RIGHT NOW.
Hugs and Thanks!
Laura
Yeah. I am glad you are going to shift from being a multi-tasker to focusing on what is immediately in front of you. I used to do that same thing and think I was doing a great thing because I was handling so much at the same time. It really does work against you though from a mindset standpoint and the minute that you focus on just one thing, and do it with the utmost quality, you feel and see the difference. I would love to hear how it goes for you and if you notice the positive changes. Let me know:)
Sibyl,
Great and important post!
Too much worrying prevents taking action and you may feel that you not control of things.
However, many times the worries are irrational when we take a closer look at them.
Cheers,
Timo
Timo: It is so true. Many times the worries are irrational and once we take a closer look, we can really see that. Great point. Thanks so much for the comment and dropping by.
Thanks Sibyl for the helpful tips to stop the crazy worrying. We are certainly interesting creatures, that’s for sure. The things we conjure up in our heads, without any significant basis in reality, can really keep us stuck. I appreciate your encouragement to mindfully focus on the present. This is helpful, since worry is ALWAYS future-focused. Ok, everybody, b-r-e-a-t-h-e . . . ahhhh.
Breathing is good
So true and I totally agree with what you said. It is all about staying in the present moment and not letting your mind get distracted by things that are needlessly trying to suck your attention. Thanks so much for the comment.
Hi Sibyl,
it’s Never as bad as it seems. Stuff happens but keep the end game in mind. Don’t forget to “chill.”
be good to yourself
David
It really is all about putting things into perspective and realizing that they never are as bad as they can seem. You are so right. Thanks so much for the comment and for stopping by.
Hi Sibyl,
Yes, this is it. It’s the simplest thing yet the hardest for most worriers to do. This is the secret to getting rid of worry. Focus on what you love and put your attention and whole heart into it. Great post.
Anglea: I actually like the way you said it a little better
“Focus on what you love and put your attention and whole heart into it.” That just makes it so clear and is exactly what you need to to do. Thanks so much for the comment and stopping by.
You’ve done it again, Sibyl! Spot on about worrying. It doesn’t help, doesn’t add anything, doesn’t serve. You laid it out so logically, it doesn’t make sense to ever worry again. Thanks for sharing your wisdom.
Hey Gail: Thanks so much for the kind words. I am so glad that you think I hit it spot on. I always love to hear your feedback. Hope you are having an amazing weekend
Hi Sibyl!
Wonderful and timely post!
The key word here is “focus” and it is amazing how when one chooses to focus their attention positively the worry worm of self-doubt will become a beautiful butterfly of confident expectation.
My daughter just graduated from high school yesterday with a 4.5 GPA and honers… number 22 out of 400 plus students. She will be sharing a dorm room at San Francisco State University with another student she has already met. She already has her 15 units of classes in place, which will start 11 weeks from now. Everything is going right for her…so what does she do the night before her graduation? Total ‘melt-down’ of ‘worrying’.
We all had a good conversation about this around the dinner table at her graduation party. Yes we all re-focused positively together and all is well.
The Pendleton wool blanket and pillow I gave her for her dorm room went over big time!
Thanks Sibyl!
Hey Rand: Congrats to you and your daughter on her graduation. A 4.5 GPA is the real deal. She must have been very committed and dedicated. I agree with you that the key word is focus. It is really how we make certain that our attention and thoughts are centered around the right things. Thanks so much for the comment and for stopping by.
Hi Sibyl,
I love the simplicity of your diagram. It is too often that we make things harder than they need to be. On the topic of worrying, no good can come from it.
Hey Lisa: Isn’t that chart great? When I saw it the idea for the post just popped into my mind. I was fortunate to come across it. Glad you liked it too
Guilty as charged! But, I got it honestly. It’s in my family D.N.A.
Nonetheless, I’m trying to get better and I’m comforted by Psalms 40 “Be still and know that I am God.”
Hey Jen: Always good to hear from you. At least you know it is your issue and it is not your fault
Now, all you have to do is get rid of it 
Love that Psalm…it is one of my favorites.
I used to be the Olympic gold medalist in the worrying event. I could find something to worry about in the most benign situation. I spent so much time imagining horrible things and rehearsing how I would get through them. Like Mark Twain said (that quote is also attributed to Montaigne), most of them never happened. I had to work very hard to break my worrying habit. So many things helped, but mostly it was choosing to believe that the world is good. (Einstein said that the most important choice we make is to believe that the universe is basically friendly or hostile.) As your diagram illustrates, worrying does not lead to anything productive. I really like your suggestion of filling up that brain space by focusing on your present activity. That is good advice on so many levels! Thank you.
Thanks Galen for stopping by and I am glad you agree with taking some of that brain space and focusing it on your present activity. I really am a believer in that and it has worked for me so well. I am glad that you are no longer getting the gold medal in the worrying event. That is one gold medal you definitely don’t want. I know exactly what you are talking about though because it is so easy to fall into the trap of thinking through things in a negative way and running through bad scenario after bad scenario. I am glad you broke that habit. Thanks so much for stopping by and thanks for the comment. Much appreciated as always.
I like how you distill worry down into do it, defer it, or drop it.
Just having a frame can go a long way in sifting through problems. As with so many things, the meta-pattern is always about taking smart actions in the right direction, and focusing on what you control, while letting the rest go.
J.D. I like the way you put that … do it, defer it or drop it. I think I may have to quote you on that one. I agree with you also that having a good frame can go a long way and everyone needs a good approach and a way to make certain they are getting rid of their worries. Thanks so much for the comment and stopping by.
great post sibyl
as long as we are thinking about the future in a negative way (worrying ) we can’t be productive , attachment to the past causes the same problem as well (regret)
focusing on the present and moving on is the best thing
Thanks Farouk for the comment. I totally agree with what you said. You totally have to focus on the present and moving forward. There is no need to let yourself be weighed down and bothered by worries. Thanks so much for dropping by.
Thank you Sibyl.
You write so definitively about why we don’t have to worry at all. It makes me giggle, I know you are right. Thank you for brightening up my day.
Jasmine: Thank you so much for the kind words. I am so glad that you liked the post and that I got to make you giggle
Sometimes those things that you already know have a way of doing it … I call it the of course factor:) Thank you so much for dropping by and taking the time to leave a comment. I really appreciate it.
Hi Sibyl,
Worry is rather common in a fast paced society. As you rightly point out, it is part of human nature. And with all the expectations we place on the outcomes we want, it is no wonder we worry that things might turn out differently. While it is necessary to plan and prepare, worrying about things that we cannot control is a waste of energy.
That said, I love the points that you have made on how to deal with worry. Truly there is little else we can do than to do something about whatever is causing us worry or to let it go if we cannot do anything about it. If we pour in all our energy to do whatever needs to be done to resolve an issue, there really is no room left for worry. After all, we have done all we humanly can, there is nothing left to regret even if things do not go our way. So don’t worry, find a solutions instead. If not, all we can do is to accept and adapt to the change in events.
Thank you for showing us how to live today better than yesterday!
Irving the Vizier
Good advice Sibyl.
I want to add a line to your picture though.
“Do you have problems in your life?”
“Yes”
“Can you do something about them?”
“No” —> Then don’t worry about them.