“Remind yourself that it’s okay not to be perfect”.
Do you ever feel that you could do certain things better? Are you the perfect mom? the perfect mate? the perfect worker? the perfect friend? Are you perfectly working toward your goals? Are you living up to your personal definition of “perfect”?
I’m not.
I make mistakes. I forget to do things. I don’t do every single thing that I probably should and I probably definitely do some things I shouldn’t.
But, you know what I finally figured out (and it lifted an enormous weight off me), it’s all okay because my heart is in the right place. Even though I don’t always get it right, I am sincerely and genuinely trying. I aim to Live Today Better than Yesterday.
And, it’s okay if I mess up from time to time.
I can accidentally send out an e-mail template in a foreign language (that I don’t even speak) to my entire list of subscribers, apologize and be forgiven (I am sure many of you remember that one).
I can be tired and not feel like working — decide to take the day off, be completely unproductive and just relax.
I can fail miserably at something and still move forward by figuring out what not to do the next time.
I can even slip us and say something to someone that I wished I hadn’t, sincerely apologize and be forgiven.
no more trying to “be perfect” necessary
One of the best things I ever did was released myself from the expectation and artificial definition of “perfection” that I created and was never living up to. And, this is something you really should consider doing as well because it’s liberating and prevents you from being too hard on yourself.
Trying to live up to an artificial definition of “perfection” is just too easy to fail at and creates endless frustration and guilt.
We end up holding ourselves to too high of standards. We beat ourselves up for making mistakes and feel guilty because of the littlest things. We refuse to gives ourselves the benefit of the doubt and accept that we are just learning through living. Ultimately, we end up causing damage and harm by being our own worse critic.
So, that’s why we should be done with that “perfect” thing.
As long as we are sincerely trying to do the right thing and are learning and making adjustments when we need to, we should consider that a job well done.
what “being perfect” really means
When it comes right down to it, many of us (myself definitely included) have had a bad definition of “perfect”.
Being “perfect” doesn’t mean that you don’t have imperfections and things you can still work on. It doesn’t mean that you have to always be “on” and productive 100% of the time.
It’s just about getting comfortable in your own skin — allowing yourself to be exactly who you are, doing what feels right, appreciating all the things you do very well, accepting and working on those things you could do better.
That’s what “being perfect” is really all about.
the possibility of today:
1. No more guilt trips. Give yourself a break. Don’t let the negative committee in your mind beat you up for things you shouldn’t have done or could’ve done better. It happened. It’s over and beating yourself up is not going to help anything. In fact, it will only keep the re-runs of what happened running through your mind and weigh you down more.
2. Fix what needs to be fixed. If there really is something you need to change, then today is the day to start changing it. What can you do differently and better the next time? What do you need to adjust? Figure out what you need to do and start taking steps today. Don’t wait.
3. Give yourself credit for what’s working. We are all so good at noticing our mistakes, but often times we aren’t acknowledging all the things that are working and what we are doing well. Remind yourself every single day of all the things you have already accomplished and are doing well. The small things definitely count. Don’t overlook anything.
Live Today Better than Yesterday.
Did you like this post? Do you relate? Please share your thoughts in the comment section below.
I agree that we should strive to make our future better than our past, and that we should live our dreams.
The question going around my head is similar:
If you aren’t fulfilled completing you goals, how do you know you picked the right ones?
Very good food for thought Galen!
Actually I mean VERY good food for thought ALEX!
Hey Alex. Thanks for the comment. I actually had a period when I didn’t feel that my goals weren’t all that fulfilling so I know what you are talking about. What seemed to work best for me was to open myself to the possibilities of additional goals and patiently await until something felt right. I also really tried to find fulfillment in the “how” I was doing whatever was in front of me. I worked on pouring all my passion and energy into what I was doing and it was fulfilling when I was able to do things in the best way I could. So, even though my goals weren’t per se “fulfilling”, how I was going about things was. Does that seem to make sense? Just making sure I described it well.
Give yourself credit for what’s working. That is great advice. If we focused on that instead of what is not working, we would be happier AND more successful. There is a book titled The Perfection of Imperfection. Great title, isn’t it?
Ha…I love that Galen. The perfection of imperfection definitely hits the nail on the head. It really is all about giving yourself credit for what’s working. Thanks so much for the comment and for dropping by.
Arrgh. The moment we squash that guilt trip, everything is going to be okay!
Yes, let’s squash it together:) Thanks Vidya for the comment and for dropping by.
When I hear someone say I am perfect at this and that, I just want to cringe. There is no thing as perfection. In fact, the word “perfect” should be taken out of the dictionary, because there is always room for improvement in anything we do. Hence, the cliche: ” practice makes perfect.” is, to me, not true. I believe practice always makes improvement. The reasons why most people don’t make it in life is because they are scared to fail or make mistakes. Failures or mistakes, I believe, are stepping stones to success. Ask Thomas Edison.
Giles: Thanks so much for the comment. I love what you said … practices always makes improvement. That really is so true. It is all about learning to value that things can always get better, deeper and improve. I love that Edison quote too. One of my favorites. Thanks for dropping by and thanks so much for the comment.
Sibyl,
This is the just the message I needed today! The nicer the weather becomes the less I want to sit in front of the computer – I want to go out and enjoy the sunshine. But, my inner perfectionist is telling me that I “must” do this or that. Thank you for reminding me that I have a choice when it comes to the “possibility of today.”
xoxo,
Angela
Angela: Thanks for the comment and for stopping by. I know exactly what you are talking about. Isn’t it interesting how we can convince ourselves we are doing something wrong just because we want to relax and enjoy the sun? I think once we are aware though that we are entitled to do what just feels right, we can choose to do those things more and more:)
Gad Sibyl…you know my ‘bag of bones’ pretty darn well by now.
Would you fill in the blank? *Imperfect heart*
So true about making mistakes + how an event can have many contributing facets of mistakes that are not in your complete control…somethings just go wrong no matter what. But what we can gain from the calamity are the corrections we can do to possibly reduce mistakes for the next go round.
Actually your sharing of *Latin* gave me the best laugh that day…at the end of ‘that day’ it was most appreciated. And look! After all it did produce:
“Uva uvam viviendo varia fit”
…from my bag of bones
As long as I could make you laugh Rand, it was all worth it:) Thanks for understanding and for stopping by and commenting. I appreciate it. Sibyl
…now just look at that!
I made the *mistake* of not having a blank between ‘Imperfect’ and ‘heart’
I did like this article/post/blog. I so understand that no one and nothing is perfect. I am looking for the one thing I can be “good enough as”.
I have decided or it has been decided for me that housework isn’t it!
KImberly DeOliveira
Hey Kimberly. Thanks for the comment and I think it really is all about being open to different possibilities:) What you want and what you are good at has a way of showing itself to you:) Thanks for dropping by and thanks again for taking the time to comment.
Wonderful posts and suggestions–thanks Sibyl. Perfectionism can keep us stuck like nothing else. I used to be quite the perfectionist, so I relate to what you’re saying. Thankfully, I’ve learned to extend grace, empathy, and compassion towards myself. And, I realize I’m not God–the job’s already taken and I’m not very good at it!
Amen Sean!
Hey Sean. Thanks for the comment and I totally agree that perfectionism can really keep us stuck. We are much better off to just give us ourselves a break and accept when we are doing the best we can. Thanks again for dropping by and taking the time to comment. I appreciate it.
Sibyl: Are you a born again Christian?
Hey Jed: Thanks so much for dropping by. To answer your question, I am not a born again Christian. Is there a reason why you ask?
Just curious.
I feel a lot like Angela. Yesterday was my son’s 8th birthday and it was a gorgeous spring day. We went for a little walk with all three kids before all the guests arrived. No one wanted to go back in and I felt like the big party pooper to stop the outdoor fun so I could hurry up and finish all my work. I was noticing my own internal struggle even for the time we did spend outside. My True Self wanted to soak in the sun, fresh air and the joy of my kids playing. The other side kept pestering me with the list of things not yet accomplished. I wanted to shoot that me.
Today I’m going to take a nap because my body is screaming for it.
Thanks so much for the reminder, Sibyl, that’s it’s OK to just take a day off. The world won’t end if I do.
Hey Paige. You are more than welcome:) I also have to remind myself that sometimes the best thing you really can do is just take the day off:) So glad you liked the post and Happy birthday to your son.
This is so true. Sometimes I’ll be beating myself up for the stupidest things that I cannot change…and this article made me realize that I am only hurting myself, because I am stuck in what should have been instead of what could be. Thank you for opening my eyes!
Love it ! Hope you don’t mind me sharing
Of course not:) Please share away. Thanks for dropping by Monique.
Nice post, and probably something I need to hear and read about more often. Sometimes it’s not good enough to know you’re not perfect and probably won’t do everything perfect because you still try, still fail, and still hate yourself for it. Must start allowing myself not to be perfect, just to try my best, which often enough is pretty good. Great stuff.
That’s right Mitch. Just do you and do it the best way you can. If you do that, you can’t really do it wrong:) Thanks so much for the comment and for dropping by. I appreciate it.
Hi Sybil
Just came across your website yesterday. Looks great. I love your writings.
Thanks for writing these inspiring posts and please keep it up !
Actually, I live in France and I remember working a few years back for a company which had as motto : CHAQUE JOUR MIEUX QU’HIER ! I suppose you’ll understand that one ! Anyway, your post is quite “perfect” for me. I just had a task this morning and felt I wouldnt be good enough; it was a public speaking thing. But when I woke up this morning and read your post, I felt stronger realising I didn’t need to be perfect and went to work quite confidently. And you know what ? I did quite well and even received a few congrats
Cheers
Congrats Danny:) What a great story. Thanks for sharing it here. It really is inspiring for all of us to see how you can integrate this type of thinking into your day and get great results. I am so glad you found the site. Thanks for dropping by and taking the time to comment. I really appreciate it.