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Is It Time to Accept What Has Happened and Move On? Here’s How You Can Do It

“Don’t be sad that it ended. Be happy that it happened. Remember you lived, you learned, you grew but you must move on.”

Have you ever had something in your life that ended, but you really didn’t want it to end?

maybe a relationship you really wanted to work out ended or 

maybe something or someone really important to you was taken away

Whatever the case may be, when we lose something or someone that we really didn’t want to lose, it can really suck (for lack of a better term). Accepting what happened and just moving on can be one of the most challenging things to do. I definitely know this first hand.

I can remember some of my “relationships gone wrong” and the sinking feeling I had after I realized it really was over. I can also remember losing someone really close to me and literally feeling the heaviness of my emotions and wondering exactly how I was going to push through.

In so many instances, I would allow myself to wallow in my misery.  I would question “why” and there were even those times I resented what happened. I just wanted things to go back to ‘normal’.

But, you know what? I finally figured out one day the best way to manage through these situations. It’s explained by one of my most favorite quotes by John Kabat Zinn —

“You can’t control the waves, but you can learn to surf.”

When we lose something or someone, often times it’s not an easy fix. However, what I was finally able to realize was that it is absolutely something we can manage through without letting the wave of our emotions take us under. We really do have the ability to surf.

But, like so many other things, it is a possibility. That means that we’ve got to choose this possibility and do everything in our power to surf every day –especially those days where we feel all our strength is gone.

Choose to Surf

I used to not realize how active of a role I could and should choose to play in the process. I assumed when I was ready to feel better and move on, the time would just come naturally.  But, I overlooked one very important thing.

We have the possibility to surf everyday – even if some of the biggest waves we have ever seen have come our way.

It’s not that we should brush over serious things that have happened or bury our emotions, but we can choose to manage through our feelings in a way that allows us to feel them, learn from them and most importantly keep on surfing.

Because when it comes down to it — the past is the past and there is nothing we can do to change it. We don’t want to get stuck in a holding pattern and miss out on the gift of today and everything the present moment offers us. How do we make sure that doesn’t happen? By realizing our never ending ability to surf and choosing to do whatever it takes to do it.

The Possibility of Today

1. Realize that you have to choose to manage the emotions. When your mind is running with fear, regret, anger, or sadness, allow the emotions to rise to the surface, but then continually remind yourself to dig down into that place deep inside of you that just knows everything will be okay. Continue to remind yourself over and over again that like so many times before, things will work out this time as well.

2. Let other people help you. Don’t be afraid to lean on other people. The ones that reach out to you really want to help you. You would do the exact same thing and help them in anyway you could if the tables were turned. This time it is their turn. Let them help and support you.

3. Remember things don’t just happen “to you”, they also happen “for you”. It may be hard to see, but every situation provides us an opportunity to learn and get stronger. One great thing to always remind yourself of is that “things don’t just happen to us, they also happen for us”. In one way or another you are getting stronger and growing and that’s really important.

4. Give yourself some “me” time every single day. Take some time for yourself. Don’t feel like you have to stay upset or feel sad. Choose to do those things that allow you to feel good.

“Do what makes you happy. Be with who makes you smile. Laugh as much as you breathe. It’s time to surf.”

Live Today Better than Yesterday

Please share your thoughts on this post in the comment section below. And, if there’s anything I can help you out with, please feel free to use the contact form or e-mail me at sibylchavis@gmail.com. I always love hearing from you.