It doesn’t always take a lot to make a relationship better, but it does take intent.
Do you think there’s a formula for success when it comes to maintaining a great relationship? Are there certain things that you can do that will just keep the right energy flowing and help your relationship continually flourish and get stronger and stronger?
When I used to try to figure out why some of my relationships went wrong — of course, it was easy for me to reach the conclusion that “he just wasn’t the one”. I would think through what went wrong, what I could’ve done better, what he should’ve done better and arrive at the conclusion that some things are just not meant to be.
Looking back now on my past relationships, I can definitely say that is absolutely true. All relationships aren’t meant to work out.
Sometimes It’s Just About Learning The Lesson
There are those relationships where we are simply meant to learn about ourselves, smooth out any of our rough edges, help the other person smooth out their rough edges and of course move on stronger having learned all the lessons we were supposed to.
But, as is often the case, the lessons are key and oftentimes the most important part of a relationship that didn’t work out. Understanding and learning the lessons are what sets us up for success in the future when we do find that person we really are meant to be with.
And, one lesson that came through loud and clear from my past relationships was that I probably wasn’t as thoughtful as I could’ve been about how to cultivate and maintain a relationship.
So, I am now all about trying to be as thoughtful as I can be when it comes to my relationship. There are three things that really seem to be working. If you are in a relationship, these are 3 simple things you can start doing today and make your relationship even stronger. If you are in between relationships, resting, recharging, reflecting on lessons learned — these are three things you can do when the right person comes your way (and yes, the right person is definitely on the way).
The Possibility of Today
3 Simple Things To Improve Any Relationship or Make It Even Stronger
1. Talk Night. It’s so easy to get caught up in all that you have going on — your job, your responsibilities, your goals, etc. That’s why its important to designate one night of the week as “talk night”. Turn off the tv, put any children to bed, turn off your cell phones or any other distractions and discuss –what’s working, what’s not working, your goals, your dreams, how far you’ve come together and anything else that comes to mind. It may sound silly, but just reserving this time every week ensures that you are communicating. Also, make sure that you aren’t just focusing on what’s not working and what the other person is doing wrong. Focus a significant amount of time on the “good” stuff that excites and energizes you.
2. See the other person as a teacher. Yes, there are things your significant other could do better and you are supposed to kindly bring those to their attention. But, there are also things (believe it or not) that you are supposed to learn from the person you are with. There is a reason the two of you have been brought together. There are experiences you are meant to have and there are important take away messages for you that will help you grow personally. Don’t miss them because you aren’t looking to see what you could learn. Looking at the other person as a teacher also helps focus you on the right things — the other person’s strengths and the real value of your relationship.
3. It’s all about Today. When you wake up in the morning, think about what you can do today to show the other person that you care. What is something thoughtful you can do for them – not next month or tomorrow – but today? It doesn’t have to be anything big (even just sending an “I love you” text message or giving an unexpected hug or kiss counts). Just do something to show that you are thinking of them and have prioritized them in your day.
Hi Sibyl,
The power of a shift in perception, eh? I would add that whenever I accuse someone of something or judge someone I will add the statement, “Just like me.” Works wonders and gets me focusing on myself!
Nice strategy Tess. I love that. It really is a good one. The more we focus on ourselves and making personal tweaks, the better:) Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your wisdom here:)
“make sure that you aren’t just focusing on what’s not working and what the other person is doing wrong” this is so true Sibyl. It’s one thing I hear a lot about relationships that are having challenges…forgetting we are the source of it all.
Encourage one another.
Elle.
Yeah, it’s an easy trap to fall into. Doesn’t it just feel like that’s always the first place our minds go?
Thanks so much for the comment Elle and for dropping by. I really appreciate it.
I appreciated this one, Sibyl!
Thank you so much:)
Jen
So glad you liked it Jen:) Thanks for dropping by and taking the time to let me know.
Sibyl, I have been so inspired by your many suggestions/recommendations/enlightenments that I have set up monthly meetings with my local family – to talk about family – business, health, finances, goals, relationships, etc. I am using many of your blogs as points of discussion during these sessions. Will make sure they are all on-line/subscribed – and will subscribe for them if they are not up to date! Thank you for your positive postings about all things relevant to our lives! My next steps is my extended family! Love you! Joyce
Joyce: You are too sweet. Thanks so much for the comment and for always reading my posts. I really appreciate your feedback. It means a lot:) I love that idea about having monthly meetings to talk about these topics. It just keeps the communication open and the right things top of mind. Can I stop by your next meeting?
The best way to improve relationships is to love unconditionally. And not just at words. There is some strange force that makes people love you much more when you love unconditionally from the heart, with forgiveness and acceptance. Just tried it out for a week. Worked like a miracle. and maybe…it works with everyone else too!
So true — It’s all about unconditional love. Thanks Jaky for the comment and for dropping by.
Sibyl,
I came across this reply that was given to you at another’s blog site:
“Thank you so much for being here Sibyl and what you say is so true. Once we turn inward, once we watch and observe our own thoughts, actions and reaction, we become observers. Life begins to look different. A sense of peace begins to emanate. And ofcourse, there is faith, always faith. And much much gratitude for the goodness within and in this beautiful world.”
Sibyl what I *see* about you is that you are very consistent, and that you *live* what is placed (by you) before us.
I would also add that your husband is obviously a major positive influence…to this I am grateful as I reach out to shake his hand…€
Thanks to your family,
Rand
Thank you so much Rand always for your kind words. I can’t tell you how much they mean to me. I really appreciate you always stopping by and sharing your wisdom and thoughts here. I can tell that you are so genuine and that speaks volumes. I am so glad that you like it enough here to always drop by and continually comment. You motivate and inspire me — so thank you so much for that Rand. And yes, I would definitely have to agree with you that my husband is a major positive influence:)
Hi Sibyl,
Yeah it is true. Not all relationships will work out. Sometimes the couple might be at different stages of their lives. At other times, it could be the circumstances working against the relationship. But for those relationships that do stand a chance of survival, your 3 tips to improve it goes a long way.
1. Talk Night:
Talking and sharing is a vital part of a strong relationship. Unless there is a deep bond and understanding between the couple, it is hard for the relationship to withstand a crisis. And the only way to develop this bond is to talk and share often.
3. It’s all about Today:
All we have in life are moments. And these moments are not unlimited either. So seizing every chance you have to make your partner feel special is vital to a strong relationship. Like you said, it doesn’t have to be something big, it is the little things done often that really matter. If you are consistent in seizing the day, you will create lots of cherished memories with your significant other which in turn will deepen the bond between the both of you.
Thank you for sharing this lovely article!
Irving the Vizier
I am in between relattionship n a lot if guys are only wanting sex n i want more i am at a point in my life that i know what i want n were i want to be need more advice please!!
Great tips, Sibyl! My husband and I instituted a “talk night” once a week to catch up. It’s more of a date night for us, whether out (when we can get a sitter) or at home (when we can’t). It’s nice to reconnect and have adult conversation, usually over good food or while playing a board game we both enjoy. It’s fun and relaxing “us” time.
Thank you for all of your positivity and light!
Janette: I am so glad that you liked the article and the tips. I love that idea of date night/talk night. I am so glad that you instituted it and you are reconnecting again with adult conversation. It just adds so much to your relationship when you can have those conversations. I am glad it is working. Thanks for taking the time to stop by and let me know.
yeah realtionships can be hard i just remeber all the things that persons done wrong to me and try to forget about him…..
Hi Samantha: Thank you so much for the comment and for dropping by. I agree that relationships can sometimes be challenging. I know for me it was all about learning the lessons that would oftentimes come to me from my relationships. Thanks again for dropping by and taking the time to comment.