Why do I keep dating the same type of person that is wrong for me? Why do I continually have highs and lows in my relationship? Will I ever really find the right person or am I just going to be alone forever?
Do any of these questions sound familiar? Well, if they do, you are probably like countless other people (including myself) who have at one time or another been caught up in a Relationship Infinite Loop.
Infinite Loops are cycles we fall into without even realizing that we are essentially repeating the same patterns and not getting the results we want. When it comes to relationships, you can fall into Infinite Loops while you are looking for the right relationship and you can also fall into an Infinite Loop even when you are in a relationship.
I know I fell into plenty of my own. I can think about so many past relationships that I stayed in for too long just because I was caught up in an Infinite Loop. And, on the flip side there were also those times when I wasn’t in a relationship, continually felt lonely, and thought I was never going to find the right person – once again, I was caught up in an Infinite Loop.
Break out of the Relationship Infinite Loop
I committed to freeing myself from all Relationship Infinite Loops and I want you to join me. It’s time to put an end to all the relationship drama once and for all.
And, all you have to do is take the right steps that will set you free. Just like it works with breaking out of any Infinite Loop, the first thing you have to do is recognize you are in one:
If you have been looking for the right person for sometime but can’t seem to find them, you are not meant to search forever and never find anyone.
You are meant to break out of the Infinite Loop.
If you are in a relationship that just feels ho-hum and blasé too much of the time. You aren’t supposed to continue to feel this way in your relationship.
You are meant to break out of the Infinite Loop.
If you are in a relationship that has continual highs and lows and just doesn’t feel functional, that’s not the way it is supposed to work.
You are meant to break out of the Infinite Loop.
If you keep dating the wrong person time and time again. You aren’t supposed to keep falling into the same trap.
You are meant to break out of the Infinite Loop.
The Possibility of Today:
1. Recognize that you are in an Infinite Loop and commit to breaking out.
2. Devise a good plan to break out of the loop. It’s time to find a way out of the Infinite Loop and that means you are going to need really push yourself to do things differently than you have in the past. Do research, ask people who have successful relationships what they did. Be thoughtful and creative.
Some Specific Suggestions:
Are you alone and looking for the right person?
Become the person you want to find. Do you want someone that is thoughtful, honest and kind all the time? Make sure that you are thoughtful, honest and kind all the time. Do you want someone that is successful, has their financial house in order and is in good shape? Make sure that you are all those things. Turn into your ideal mate and as strange as it may sound, your ideal mate will come your way.
Are you in a relationship that needs to improve in one way or another?
Work together and create a written plan on what you can both do to improve your relationship. We have plans for so many other things in our life, but when it comes to relationships, it’s easy to fall into the trap of accepting the status quo or thinking that things are just going to magically improve. You both need to commit to working on your relationship and a written plan helps you keep the things you need to do top of mind.
Live Today Better than Yesterday.
Hi Again Sybil, This was a very timely email as I am still getting over a man I thought I had much in common and felt we were very at ease and compatible with each other. Six months ago after 8 months of dating he decided he wanted to try and make a go of it with his ex wife. To say I was upset is mild but I rose to the occasion and wished him well, but I cant get him out of my mind .
After one marriage and two very long term (13 year) live relationships and a break of 2 years with a move interstate and loss of financial security, I had accepted I would be alone when he came into my life.
I took it very steady but being the accepting person I am, I overlooked some small differences like our sleeping hours, tv shows he ‘needed’ to watch, his beautiful dog having to sleep on the bed and no compromise.
I always feel differences can be overcome when there is respect and enough love to want to find a middle line.
I’m still working on my needs and wants as I tend not to feel in the ‘perfect’ relationship.
Im still coming to terms with the fact that things said and one appear not to have been true and were conditional only when the relationship existed. I don’t operate on these lines and believe real friendship can transcend the romatnic relationship. I may be one of a few.
I love your insights
Regards PAtricia
Thanks so much Patricia for dropping by and sharing your story. I think what you said is so true that differences can be overcome when there is respect and enough love to want to find a middle line. That’s an amazing insight so thank you for sharing it here. I know after a break up can be one of “those times” but it is great that you rose to the occasion and wished him well:) That can be challenging to do, but I really think it is always the way to go and allows us to move on to the great things that are waiting to come our way:) Thanks so much again for the comment.
You are nice to call it. When I discovered that I was perpetually in that type of loop in my marriage, I called it the “idiot loop”. It does take some deep study and FOCUS and attention to become savvy in realizing that you have entered “the loop”. The key is discernment and truth. Once you are aware of the pattern , you must DEAL with YOUR part in it. I say this because it is the only part over which you have control . Do NOT spend too much time staying in the loop with someone who does not wish to EXIT it. In the case of my personal challenge, choosing not to engage the person going “into the loop” really did enhance the relationship. At least for me! The agitation OF BEING in it was greatly reduced because I saw it coming and chose not to engage. If you are single you have the option of completely cutting it off if needed. In a marriage, you have to use creative discernment as to when to engage and when to leave it be – in the interest of preserving the union and your sanity.
I love, love, love that wisdom Allison. Thanks so much for sharing it here. I think you are so tight that you oftentimes what is called for is creative discernment. Brings to mind something I am continually keeping top of mind — it doesn’t take much to improve something, but it does take intent. Being thoughtful and aware of when you are just falling into a never ending cycle is what it is all about:) Thanks for the comment.
“Become the person you want to find. Do you want someone that is thoughtful, honest and kind all the time? Make sure that you are thoughtful, honest and kind all the time. Do you want someone that is successful, has their financial house in order and is in good shape? Make sure that you are all those things. Turn into your ideal mate and as strange as it may sound, your ideal mate will come your way.”
Such a right and obvious solution for the individual to meet *The One* that is right for me.
Your posts dealing with ‘loop cycles and intuition fit perfect with other’s postings recently. So much of what we desire will come ito us if we allow ourselves to develop into a divine life in flow with the universal loving spirit.
I came across this post:
How to Find the Mate
God Has for You
By Dale P. Kruse
http://www.layevangelism.com/qreference/marriage-counseling/finding-the-right-mate.htm
“Many marriages do not survive the stress. In many cases the person gives it up all together. The end result is that that person never comes to know who they really are. They satisfied their desire, but in time find it is not fulfilling and find themselves empty and their lives without meaning. The Psalmist wrote about Israel who demanded that their desires be met in the wilderness, who never entered the promised land.”
Psalm 106:13-15 “They quickly forgot His works; they did not wait for His counsel, But craved intensely in the wilderness, and tempted El [God] in the desert. So He gave them their request, but sent leanness into their souls.”
Sibyl…seems to me all the
*Devine Good*
*Good Books*
…and all the
*Good People*
…have been trying to tell us
*Good* will come if ‘We’ model
ouseves into the being of genuine *Goodness*
Peace onto you…
Wow…what a comment Rand:) So glad that you liked the post and thanks for sharing that link. I really loved what you said about developing in the flow. I think that is so profound. Thanks for stopping by Rand and sharing your thoughts. Always appreciated.
Oh man. The infinite loop! I didn’t even recognize it until after I was married. Fortunately, I married a good guy, and I’ve been able to be honest with myself about my old patterns of behavior and work on changing them. Just being aware of the loop is pretty powerful.
Hello, I really enjoy his site. However I am always in the wrong relationship. I’m divorced and since have been in one tragic relationship after another and I don’t know if I am just not meant to be with anyone. Maybe some people just are meant to be alone? Because in feel that way and I’m not sure why. I’m nice educated and attractive but maybe I am destined to be alone. Does that happen?
Hi Amy. So glad you like this site. In response to your question, I know how frustrating it can feel to think you’re continually in the wrong relationship. Honestly, there was a point where I used to wonder if I was ever going find the right person and the right relationship. What I can tell you is that if you want to be in a relationship and find the right person, then that is absolutely what’s meant to happen. I absolutely don’t believe you’re destined to be alone. If you’re looking for suggestions of what to do, I would recommend just taking some time and really thinking about the type of person you want. Think through the specific qualities. Then, I would recommend taking that list of qualities and working on them and strengthening them in yourself. I know that may sound weird, but it’s what I did and it worked:) So, for example, I knew I wanted someone who was honest, kind, gentle, successful, etc. and so I focused all my efforts on strengthening those qualities in myself. And, it was then only a matter of time before I found my way to that person AND the wonderful additional benefit was that I also grew in the process. Hope that helps:)
Sibyl