Don’t allow someone’s bad behavior to cause you to be someone you are not. Unknown
How good are you at keeping your peace of mind when other people do things that push your buttons?
The person that continually says things that drive you crazy
The difficult coworker that is always being rude or saying something inappropriate
The driver that cuts you off or the insensitive neighbor that thinks their needs trump yours — the list literally could go on and on.
I used to get so bothered and annoyed when people did inconsiderate things. It used to get under my skin and it was challenging for me to maintain my peace of mind. But, you live and you learn — right?
And, one day I just decided enough was enough. I really had no interest in allowing other people’s bad behavior to affect my own mood and peace of mind.
I finally realized you are never going to really be able to control what other people do or say so why on earth should you allow them to affect your mindset and how you feel? That is just giving away way too much of your power.
It’s All About Your Peace of Mind
There really is nothing more important than our peace of mind and how we feel as we move through the day. It literally affects everything. It impacts the type of day we have today. And, it even affects our ability to shape our future because if we are focused on what someone else has done, we are not focusing all of our attention on enjoying our day and creating the things that are most important to us. It’s like one of my favorite quotes by Ralph Marston explains -
“What we do today improves all of our tomorrows.”
In order to live the life we want, enjoy the moment in front of us and feel good as we move through the day, we always want the best energy flowing. We want to be able to pour all of our good passion and energy into whatever it is we are trying create and that means we never want to allow anyone or anything to get in the way of doing that.
The Possibility of Today:
1. Realize maintaining your peace of mind and good mood is something you can get better and better at. It’s a muscle that has to be strengthened and every time you push yourself to react calmly and not get bothered or upset by someone else’s bad behavior, you strengthen your “peace of mind muscle”.
2. Look at every situation as a test and an opportunity to strengthen your “peace of mind muscle”. As soon as something happens that would normally trigger you getting bothered, immediately decide you aren’t going to get sucked in. Remind yourself it’s just not worth it. Let any anger or frustration rise to the surface, but then choose to put your attention on something else that is more positive. Eventually, any anger or frustration will evaporate as long as you commit to not getting worked up.
3. Go get your “You Time” after an incident. Go for a walk, listen to your favorite song, do whatever you need to in order to preserve your peace of mind. You want to be at least an 8 on the “peace of mind scale”. If something happens that drops you down to anything less, notice that you are a little off and keep doing things that will help restore you to an 8.
Live Today Better than Yesterday.
Did you like this article? Please share your thoughts and comments below. If you need to contact me for anything, please use the contact form or e-mail me at sibyl@possibilityoftoday.com. I always love hearing from you.
Thank you so much Sybil. Perfect timing for me to read this. Ahhhh ….. reinstating my peace of mind right now.
Nice
I love that Catherine – reinstate, reinstate, reinstate:) Thanks so much for the comment and for dropping by.
How interesting to see your heading this morning. My life is in turmoil at the moment and when I opened my mail and saw this, it actually made me smile. Maa
So glad Maa that it came to you at the perfect time:) Thanks for dropping by and I hope everything is already moving in a better direction for you:)
I would like to say thank you, I appreciate the great information you share. It is always helpful and always right on time.
Anger IS such a tricky one! And for me, my serenity is usually not worth “flying off at the handle”, to use a old expression. Another old expression: “Be slow to anger.” Simple, but not easy!
One device I’ve learned: in any given situation where I feel myself becoming upset, I imagine myself having Godzilla’s perspective. Often, looking down upon the situation, and describing what someone at 100 feet above would observe in very objective terms, is a great tool to restore perspective. At the very least, it buys time.
As someone who grew up in a household without much in the way of negative emotions, my own anger scared me and I learned to deny it, to not even feel it. But over the years, I’ve learned to appreciate the true purpose of emotions. Emotions, I learned, are to give us immediate (not filtered through the medium of thought) information about our surroundings. As such they are extremely useful.
If I step off the curb and my peripheral vision picks up the image of a bus coming at me, my fear will cause me to jump back out of harm’s way without my even having to take time to think about it. Very useful!
Likewise, anger, when it’s “clean”, that is, not freighted with justifications so I can be right, is a great tool to get my needs met. A clerk tries to cheat me out of some change. Immediately (not through a medium) my anger blurts out, “Give me back my money!” Very useful.
Such emotions quiver through us, do their job imparting useful information, and dissipate very quickly. It’s when I mull over them, or, worse, suppress them, or when I make up a story about how right I am to feel a certain way about someone else’s behavior, then they hang out and wreak havoc, not only on my peace of mind, but on my heart, stomach, immune system, my health, both mental and physical.
So in light of all this, for me, I might rephrase your excellent statement, “Let any anger or frustration rise to the surface, but then choose to put your attention on something else that is more positive.” I might add one more intermediate step: “feel the emotion and see if it has any useful lesson and then decide whether or not to act on that information, what form the action should take and for for what purpose. THEN move on to something positive.
I really like your Step 3 where you have a plan to “decompress” from the hormones of upset. To take a deliberate positive action to restore mental health is something I’ll definitely add to my Peace Plan! Thanks so much Sybil!
YES, I DID LIKE IT … THANK YOU
GUD COMMENTS
Hey Bill: Thank you so much for the thoughtful comment. I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts and wisdom here. I love your addition and think it is right on point. Lessons are definitely key. Thanks for that addition and thanks again for dropping by.
Sybil….Your post today is perfect timing. I just had coffee with my daughter who was upset about some interactions that had already happened this morning. She was tense and upset. I’ve talked to her many times about the power of staying calm and not letting other people affect her moods. She’s bouncing a lot of balls running a new retail business. But even then, not letting people get ‘under her skin’ is going to lower her stress level tremendously. I used to be a lot like her….but after many years of practice, I’ve made some real changes. It takes desire and commitment to let go of old habits and build new ones.
fran
Thanks Fran for the comment and for dropping by. Your daughter is fortunate to have your good advice:) What you said is so true, it’s all about staying calm and prioritizing your peace of mind over anything and everything else that may come your way. So glad the post came right at the right time:) Thanks again for dropping by.
Great post Sibyl. I’ve learned that emotions are meant to be felt, but not meant to hang on long after the incident has passed. So I have a technique where I just ‘let them go’. I totally agree with being an 8 on the ‘peace of mind’ scale – that’s a super idea. And I’m going to be paying more attention to staying at least at an 8.:-)
Elle
xoxo
Sibyl, had an incident tonite that put me under an “8 and now I am reading your post . Thank you; besides helping me’
your post distracted me from negative emotions. Cindy
Nice:) I love that my post came to you at the perfect time. So glad it helped and thanks for taking the time to let me know Cindy. Always appreciated.
I love the technique of just letting it go Elle. That really is what it is all about:) Thanks so much for taking the time to drop by. I really appreciate it.
Looking at every situation as an opportunity is a struggle at times, but when I take a step back and realize how lucky I am to use this opportunity for growth, that’s when I find that emotional buffer. Thanks for the great tips!
You know what Karl, one has to learn to move on. The best way to move on is to create a practical habit of witnessing everything that happens around us. When we become the victim of happenings, we love. But when we witness ourselves in the positive, we gain power to change.
BTW, I completely agree with your idea.
Thanks for the comment Jaky and sharing your thoughts here. I am in agreement that the best thing we can do is step back and take a look at the situation and how we are responding. It allows us to avoid getting sucked in too much and when we do that, that is when things can go awry. Thanks again for the comment.
You are very welcome Karl. Thanks for dropping by and taking the time to comment. I appreciate it.
Well said!
You’re right. It’s all about deciding you deserve a better life, you deserve better than to let silly, little things other people do bother you.
Thanks for the comment Leanna and for stopping by. It really is all about preserving your own peace of mind over anything and everything else:)
This is wonderful! Need “reminders” once in awhile. I shared on Facebook…certain it will be helpful to others as well. Thank you!
So glad you liked it Dottie:) Thanks so much for taking the time to drop by and let me know. And, of course thank you for sharing it on FB:)
Sybil a friend of mine on FB posted something from your website and it was me all over. I am always trying not to hurt others feelings including my grown children and it always get thrown back in my face. This post came at the same time I said enough is enough. I will be using this to help give me the strength on top of what God has given me to get me back and to get my space back which has been compromised by my live at home daughter. This will surely help me to help her be more positive and to not let her negative vibes rub of on me. Also for work and not be drawn into all the nonsense there too! Thanks Yolanda
So glad you liked it Yolanda:) I think what you are doing by being aware of the issue is one of the most important first steps. Just keep your goal top of mind that you want to stay centered and try to take some time before reacting and responding. I have noticed that using what I call the Time Gap (the moment in between the time that something happens and that you respond) can really help you never stray too far from your center. Thanks so much for the comment and for dropping by.
Sibyl I believe it does start with providing one’s *Self* with a *good mood*.
Coming from a position of feeling good *wihin*, the perception of an offensive world can be placed under the realm of a peaceful showering rain.
I do believe that peace in the world starts between two people.
I do know from 61 years of living that peace can come with initial discomfort at times.
I do believe that on both the high and low roads a friend can be found.
Sometimes kind logical persistence from a calm heartfelt self in the throws of conflictt can be the remeady for the bad behavior between what are two imperfect human beings.
Sometimes giving up is the easy way.
The peace of the world starts between two of us.
Many times a storm clears without a warning.
May happiness rain on you…
.
Thanks Rand for the comment. I loved reading your words and totally agree that the peace always begins with us. I think that really great wisdom. Thanks for sharing it here.
Great timing to read this..going through a few blips in life right now. New friend I met I don’t seem to be fulfilling her needs as a friend..well she said made some hurtful comments ..and so I didn’t respond back in the same manner…I guess I do practice my peace of mind muscle a bit already.
guess I do practice
Practice definitely makes perfect:) So glad you are putting that muscle to work. Thanks Nancy so much for dropping by and taking the time to comment. I really appreciate it.
the site could not have popped up at a better time as i am dealing with a lot and trying to find and inner peace of mind to all that is taking place around me and frankly i cannot do anything about it as it is a sticky situation. so i have decided to try changing myself in certain ways by drawing closer to god and reading alot of inspirations so that i can better cope with what i am dealing with.
Michelle: Thanks for the comment. I think your plan is perfect. When I can’t change or influence a situation, I just try to do everything I can to change my perspective and most importantly move on. Thanks again for the comment. I appreciate it.
I liked reading this article : For me this is a challenge and I like challenges. So I am going to try out the pointers u gave so that I can have peace of mind. thanks for the article
Hey Michelle: I am so glad that you liked the article and that you are going to try out the techniques. Keep me updated. I would love to know how it works for you:)
From your homepage: “Each day we are given a new set of 24 hours and a new set of possibilities. We get to decide how to use those 24 hours … what we do, what we feel, the chances we take, what we think, how we behave.”
Wonderful message! I just found your site and fb page and I’m so glad I did. I am a longtime (over 31 years) pilates practitioner and “…this 24 hours” is a studio motto.
I’ve shared this post on my facebook page (https://www.facebook.com/PoplarStreetStudio) and I’m sure I’ll be sharing more. Thank you!
Carole: Thank you so much for the kind words and for stopping by the site. I am so glad that you thought highly enough of it to share it. I checked out your studio. Really cool and I am a fan of Mill Valley:) Thanks again for the comment and for dropping by.
ive been living like this for over a year and im tired of it.some people intentionally try to push my buttons.very stressful.THank you Im going to try this.sounds like a good idea.
So glad you are going to try it out Betty. I think you’ll really find that it is just so much better when you can find your way to prioritizing your peace of mind, it just frees you from being weighed down by the drama:) Thanks for the comment and for dropping by Betty.
Thank u! Thank u! Thank u! This has been a MAJOR stumbling block for me lately! I have been letting people’s selfish behavior drive me BATTY! Thank u for reminding me that I have to concern myself more with MY PEACE OF MIND than w their behavior! Accepting that people WILL do selfish and annoying things is the first step and then to remember that my peace of mind is FAR more important! Thanks again!
So glad the article came to you at the perfect time:) Thanks Erin so much for dropping by and taking the time to comment. I really appreciate it and you are so right — nothing is more important than your peace of mind.
great i think this will help me a lot……because i have to face it each and everyday….. and i care too much thats my problem……ya but i want to share something….i m in 9th and there are my two friends who always think about themselves they talk about anyone carelessly without thinking about their feelings…… i dont like them for their behaviour they are not ready to change themselves …one of them want to make everyone slaves and also talks bad about everyone parents even mine that has broken me but now i can avoid this all things …. and that girls they are just loosing their peace of mind … they are very bad i dont like them……. BUT NOW I HAVE CONFIDENCE IN MYSELF THANK YOU VERY MUCH…..
So glad you liked the article Dimple and that you found information in it that will be helpful. I know it can be challenging when other people push our buttons, but you’re right to really make a concerted effort to take the high road:)
thank you this is beautiful! thanks ton
So glad you liked it Anton:) Thanks for the comment and for stopping by.
Such a wonderful article. Thank you sibyl. It really helped and still helps…
So glad you liked the article Priya:) Thanks for taking the time to let me know. I really appreciate it.
This is soooo coool… im listening to my favorite song now and i feel way better. Thanks a lot Sybil!!!
Sibyl, this helped me today. I have a new neighbor that’s really inconsiderate. I hate to feel my temper boiling for days at a time. I try so hard to push negative feelings away and I do a good job of it most of the time. But sometimes it lingers and thats not good for my family and not good for me. I want to be the father that lets it all roll off of his shoulders. That is my goal in life. Because when you really think about it, the inconsiderate things that people do aren’t threatening. Otherwise we would just call 911
I am so glad this post helped you. Aren’t the inconsiderate neighbors the worse sometimes:) I know I have had my fair share and you are doing such the right thing to use them as an opportunity to strengthen your tolerance and forgiveness. I love when you can use things that would normally bother you as strength builders and get better and better at living. Isn’t that so cool?
So glad you’re doing the same thing. Thanks again for the comment.